MY LIFE IS BRILLIANT

MY MEDIA KILLS MASS MEDIA

2009-05-22T12:35:00.006+01:00

The role of advertising towards the death of mass media through the rising threats caused by the emergence of the new media technology.

The new age has come and it is happening now. The technological revolution of the media industry has taken place so fast, threatening the subsistence of traditional media that existed over a long time ago. Advertising throughout time has taken a significant role in utilising the benefits of the media as well as contributed to its development. However, on a fast changing world like today, every birth of a new technology is an endless marketing opportunity; from new product development, market leadership, to utilisation of its features for advertising and promotion. And as the traditional media is facing a challenge of possible extinction, advertising contributes to its fast degeneration as it continuously increase its evolutionary process of adaptation to the new media features, exploiting it to the possible maximum level in order to maintain and increase its competitiveness to constantly generate revenue and survive the various challenges in the fast-changing market. Advertising in its nature is known to be the most powerful and influential agent of change especially in the modern times that even the power of the media can be overruled. Its so-called “free-agent mentality” makes it control its own destiny (Berger, 2001 p.361), evolve, influence its media and apparently indirectly control its life cycle. Will advertising as the main lifeblood of the so-called traditional media take its toll to put these wonderful technologies laid to rest finally?

The Tri-Media

Thousands of years ago, when ancient Egyptians developed a writing system, advertising began through sales messages and wall posters made of papyrus. Roman and Greek civilisation were also proved to have used the same to communicate and deliver messages to a number of subjects. It took several centuries to innovate the technique when the Chinese discovered printing, followed by the invention of the printing press for mass production. In our world today, print media is one of the most popular means of communication, providing information and entertainment to a wide range of audiences. Most published media are mainly for sale therefore it is not solely dependent on advertisers to fund its production.

In the 19th century, the experimentation that lead to the discovery of radio technology began and it took nearly half a century to develop the medium that became useful and powerful means of communication particularly during the civil wars which was mainly used for propaganda and entertainment. And since radio was mainly used for political rather than commercial purposes, some relevant advertising has taken place specifically in the United States when the first radio commercial was aired by WEAF station in 1922. The golden age of radio broadcasting and advertising has set off, followed by the discovery of television few years later. Following this revolutionary breakthrough, the television, radio and print media triad has consistently dominated the world of communication technology until today.

Television has been considered as the most powerful medium of communication in the last half of the 20th century. In the United States, it remains the primary form of entertainment, saturating the entire household and has become a mainstay in the lives of most people, as well as to the rest of the world (Lee & Johnson, 2005).Considered to have the broadest reach and with its versatile audio and visual feature, the medium became one of the most effective means of advertising where companies are spending millions of pounds every year to market their products on television alone.
The wonderful feature of television has inspired the people of today to consider it as the new single important invention of mankind (Harrison, 2004). In spite of its innovative attributes and feature advantages, it co-existed well with other traditional media.

Threats on the rise

Most people may have thought television has replaced the wheel as the most significant invention of all times (Harrison, 2004), and that radio has maintained its existence despite of television’s revolutionary features and phenomenal popularity, as well as the printed media consistently making itself one of the most indispensable forms of communication that was never overtaken by any product of modern discoveries. The invention of computer systems paved the way to develop a sophisticated digital technology that opened the window to a more advanced stage of communication and information technology following the development of the internet. Digital age has commenced and television for example, has evolved through the development of High Definition Technology (HDTV) improving its feature to meet ever increasing demand for perfection by today’s generation. Satellite technology played a significant contribution to both radio and television providing a faster and efficient transmission.

In 2004, Electronic Paper Display (EPD) technology was introduced in the market, a device that is a thin as a paper, capable of downloading data electronically. Amazon’s Kindle and Sony e-reader are newly launched products, devices that allow readers to download the electronic book from the website and store the data to the handheld gadget. Amazon’s Kindle sales boost up to 500,000 units since its launching in 2007 making a market of $200 million worth worldwide (Fortune Magazine, 2009). This is leading to a further development of a technology that is believed to replace newspapers and magazines in the future. This is not the first instance that publishers struggled against the power of information technology. Giant online search engines such as Google and Yahoo has significantly affected the broadcast and publishing industries through offering commercial advertisements through any internet-friendly gadgets resulting to a massive loss of revenue and fast increasing threats. At the same time, the escalating issues of global warming and environmental degradation may trigger the rapid diffusion of this technology to favour the preservation of nature and save trees from being cut down for paper manufacturing. It is in fact being predicted that paper will cost more than electronic papers in the future (Copeland, 2009).

Unlike the printed media, television and radio industry evolved into a higher level of development. The improved satellite technology enhanced its transmission with more speed and efficiency providing audience the convenience and superior experience. The innovation from plasma, LCD screen to High Definition Television or HDTV has brought television to a higher stage of its evolution, the development of digital equipments to improve its production quality, and most of all, the opportunities of producing quality programmes to attract viewer’s ratings for the advertisers. On the other hand, although most broadcasting companies have stepped into a wide world of cyber space by making their relay available online usually in a form of media streaming, the threats to its survival is somehow eradicated. For example, BBC and ITV websites feature their programmes online for playback and even via live transmission. This made them satisfy the need of their viewers to manage their own time watching a particular programme or show rather than sitting in front of their television set within a specific time. Absolute Radio launched an online player application in 2008, spending £15 million for its campaign (New Media Age, 2008). According to its Brand Director Chris Lawson, the strategy was about following where the audiences go instead of expecting them to come to them. The cyberspace has become the new battleground for the broadcast media and mostly for marketing. As the people migrate to the worldwide web, the marketers follow.

As of 2007, more than 206 million users had registered for MySpace.com. Over 2.7 billion searches on Google are being performed every month (Fisch, 2007). Facebook, with 42.1 million members and other networking sites such as Twitter are significantly increasing making it a famous venue to place marketing campaigns.

Without a doubt, internet has become the most significant invention of mankind after the computer. It developed as an integrated medium where an individual can get everything he needs from information, entertainment and communication all in one. Most importantly, it offers a personalised and customised option for a more individualistic yet massive communication approach. It is more convenient indeed to sit down in front of a personal computer whenever is convenient, perhaps after work and before going to bed or simply just anytime you want rather than wait in front of a television set for the programme to be aired. It is a powerful medium that everyone in the planet is going after as a portal to an almost unlimited source of information at the user’s own pace. This has transformed the idea of a “mass media” into an individualistic “my media” communication (Spurgeon, 2009). It is where the vast audience is going and again, advertisers follow.

Considering this act of audience media migration and substitution, this instance is not as bad as the print media being potentially eradicated. Television and radio programmes made available online at the same time offers wider options to the audience. The only question is, if advertising serves as the lifeblood of the media, and with advertisers shifting to place their commercials online, how can the media produce quality programmes without the advertiser’s money?

Coke and Mentos rocket fountain video popularised over YouTube in 2006 earned an estimated $10 million worth of media exposure (Spurgeon, 2008). This amount of money could have gone to television, radio and print media company but then, it may only be within a specific country. After a year since YouTube launched, its worth scaled up to $1.65 billion as acquired by Google in 2006. Today it became a phenomenon creating opportunities for every product marketing in a massive extent for not as high as the cost of traditional advertisement placement. Furthermore, Google Inc. is planning to develop tools to make online video advertisements available on their websites (New Media Age, 2008) that could possibly create great impact on traditional mass media.

Internet made advertising less expensive, accessible, even more powerful and effective to penetrate the market globally. Advertising is known to exploit every medium to maximise all marketing opportunities by targeting its audiences, in return provides funding to sustain the media production. Where ever there are audiences, there is advertising. Television became the most powerful and effective marketing campaign in terms of proximity before the internet. Great shows and programmes were created; famous personalities were developed and spectacular entertainment ideas were discovered as well as billions of revenue has been generated with advertising money behind it. The Coke-Mentos campaign model introduces the idea of the audience capable of actively managing the media through demanding new features and options suitable to their individualistic lifestyle (Spurgeon, 2009).

The dramatic shifting of advertisement placement from the traditional media to the new one is bringing a serious issue on how the television and broadcast industry will continue to serve its purpose when its means of support is venturing out to another medium. As we are living in an exponential time (Fisch, 2007), everything goes quickly in a colossal form.

Advertising is everywhere and technology will continue to make it easier to be in every possible place. Interactive marketing on the internet has exceeded the wonderful feature of television where companies can track their customers on the web, engage on a dialogue with them and even anticipate their thinking just by their buying behaviour (Berger, 2001).

The advancement of human technology becomes unstoppable and uncontrollable; and the survival of the fittest lie on everything that is new, fast, easy and spontaneous. Television and radio sets may be replaced by computers; however the content as well as the quality may not be the same without advertising money to sustain the production. Advertising being the major financer is not just changing the face of the media in the future but taking it to its way to extinction. As internet becomes the new arena, will advertising cost as much as of the traditional media so it could continue to survive at its best? Or, will the media keep its survival and manage to evolve into a more versatile form until another powerful technology arrives? Will the cost to view a television show or listen to a radio programme be as expensive as paying a subscription because of lack of advertisement? Or perhaps, if traditional media survive this shift and attract significant followers could once again earn advertisers’ support? Only time can tell and it is not far from now.

REFERENCES

Berger, Warren (2001), Advertising Today, Phaidon Press; London, New York.
Briggs, Assa & Burke, Peter (2005), A Social History of the Media: From Gutenberg to the Internet (2nd Edition), Polity; Cambridge.
Chapman, Jane (2005), Comparative Media History: An Introduction (1789 to the present), Polity; Cambridge.
Copeland Michael (2009), The End of Paper? (article), Fortune Magazine, TIME Inc.; Accessed 21 March 2009 - Business Source Premier (EBSCO).
Fisch, Karl (2007) Shift Happens?, http://thefischbowl.blogspot.com/2006/08/did-you-know.html
Harrison, David (2004), Arts: Encyclopaedia of Television (2nd Edition), Fitzroy Dearborn-Emerald Group Publishing Ltd.; New York, London. Accessed 21 March 2009- Emerald Insights.
Howell, Nick (2009), Contents need to be everywhere to reach its audience (article), New Media Age, Centaur Communication; London. Accessed 19 March 2009 – Nexis UK.
Kaye, Barbara & Johnson, Thomas (2003) From here to Obscurity?: Media Substitution Theory and Traditional Media in an On-line World.; Journal of the American Society for Information Science, Wiley Periodicals Inc; USA. Date accessed 19 March 2009.
Lee, Monle & Johnson, Carla (2005), Principles of Advertising: A Global Perspective (2nd Edition), Haworth Press, Inc.; New York.
Long, Danielle (2008), Absolute Radio launches online player (article), New Media Age, Centaur Communication; London. Accessed 19 March 2009- Nexis UK.
Megehee, Carol (2008), Advertising time expansion, compression and cognitive processing influences on customer acceptance of message and brand, Journal of Business Research; Elsevier Inc.; Louisiana. Accessed 21 March 2009- ScienceDirect.
Paisley, William (1993), Knowledge Utilization: The Role of New Communication Technologies, Journal of the American Society for Information Science, John Wiley & Sons, Inc.; USA. Date accessed 19 March 2009.
Spurgeon, Christina (2008) Advertising and New Media, Taylor and Francis Routledge; London & New York.

THOSE WE LOVE THE BEST

2009-04-25T00:55:00.006+01:00

Ok, lately I officially planned to make my blogs more academic rather than emotional and personal. Mixed with my art gallery on my website, I thought I want to feature my not-so clever ideas and leave my melancholic poet side. This might confuse whoever will read my blogs as I seem like losing my focus again but in the first place, Im not even sure is there is anyone reading these stuff so I think I will just carry on with my writing.

I remember this great poem that I use to memorise... I remember a few years back.

They say the world is round, and yet
I often think it's square;
So many little hurts we get
from corners here and there.
There is one truth in life I've found
while journeying east and west,
The only folk we really wound
are those we love the best.

The choicest garb, the sweetest grace
are oft to strangers shown;
The careless word, the frowning face,
are given to our own.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
we please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
to those we love the best.

By Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Sometimes people neglect us, sometimes we neglect people. The ones that we care the most, and the ones who care for us. It has been said, "you'll never miss the water until it's gone", I am writing this thought because I dont want to miss any opportunities to express my love to those who suffered because of my carelessness. By means of writing here, the people around me, the ones I love so much... they may have thought I never cared at all, but I do... in fact I may have failed to show but I never failed to do.

THAT NAUGHTY TESCO AD.

2009-04-20T13:59:00.003+01:00

When I first saw this TESCO television commercial, I thought it was nasty, the fact that it is directly comparing itself to its main competitor ASDA with its prices cheaper than the latter. Yes, it could be a healthy competition, mainly beneficial to the consumers. Im sure a lot of people were convinced that TESCO is surely "better" than ASDA as the commercial claims. This is one of the wonders of marketing, to make the people believe, influence and persuade them to buy or not to buy.

This is not the first time I saw a commercial in UK that is doing the same. Some advertisements for an insurance company, bank and some food products directly competing themselves against their rival on a paid commercial. Is it lawful? I asked myself the same question. But I couldn't care at all. and competitive markets such as the UK and EU surely have one of the best legal systems in the world. As far as I know, this has also been done in the United States. I remember in the Philippines, one of the advertising ethics is to advertise against a competing brand anonymously. Advertisers can not name the targeted brand, nor show any significant trademarks that can identify its competitors otherwise, litigation is always the end point. This is to protect the advertisers from any destructive propaganda against their own built brands.

Granting that the UK allows healthy competition such as this, as TESCO deliberately tells the whole world that they are way better than ASDA in terms of product prices and value, and that shopping with them means buying more than in ASDA; it is possibly impacting the latter's sales because of this campaign.

As for ASDA, I am concerned about thinking why don't they produce a counter-act campaign against TESCO? The baskets shown are piled up and only the topmost are filled. This is a picture of a more customers shopping at ASDA due to the number of baskets left on pile. On a creative point-of-view, ASDA can claim that because their prices are of true value, more customers are shopping that is why they have 709 baskets left on stack compared to 1020 empty baskets on TESCO. This could make it a healthier competition between the two.

FIRST DAY IN THE LIFE OF A MARKETER

2009-04-18T12:47:00.006+01:00

This is an idea from nowhere. When sometimes you are relaxing on a lazy afternoon, or busy beating a deadline, sometimes when you are simply asleep and suddenly you wake up with the noises that’s irritating your brain, your mind is just too busy with ideas... this is where it is coming from and this is how it started.

Most of the time I am tired of writing about things, I had my blog site that is waiting to be updated. I only write there when I am feeling a celebrity, when I want to write about myself and what I feel, sometimes just my artistic and poetic expression. This time is more serious. With things that I get from lectures and never-ending reading of journals and articles and simply just my busy mind observing almost everything that is covered by my senses. That is me, a curious and out-of-the box thinking creature.

As I love my passion with arts and paintings in which this website is originally intended for, I am including personal reflections, maybe some interesting course works and just a daily opinion about things around to cover my business side, well marketing in particular. It is about me, what I am, and what I can do.

GREAT LEARNING, GREAT EXPERIENCE, GREAT FUN

2009-02-22T10:20:00.004Z

After some time, I've been off my blogs although I never failed to visit. Time has run fast and before I know it, loads of things has come along my way. Where did I stop? I was writing about my dissapointment about the place for an MA Fine Arts course offered which was withdrawn later on and yeah, I've got to go with the course that was initially offered to me by the University of Northumbria in Newcastle.

The past few months were all fun and new experiences, without forgetting the never-ending problems coming one after another and so on. New people, different cultures, personalities, annoying attitudes, cheeky fun and great amount of pressures... all in nearly six months.

Everything seemed new to me, being out of academic environment for nearly 5 years? (God.. I never realised I'm this old!) and here I am, feeling like having a brand new life, fresh and promising. I've got good friends who constantly support me and my family who's always willing to catch me everytime I fall (lol). It is indeed a great learning experience, the cultures, the world of researches, strategies.. I'm starting to get tired of these terms but it's making sense to me; and great experience as well, having the good and the bad from every sides... yeah, great and fantastic as it appears but Northumbria University has a dark side too. Find out.

ART & BETRAYAL

2008-09-13T09:25:00.004+01:00

When do I know if its over? When do I know if its the dead end? When do I know if its about time to end a dream and wake up to reality? How do I know if its real or still a dream?

I am an artist. In my soul, in my heart and in every bits of myself. Over the years, I carried on and off, went on a different track, succeeded.. hence, I wanted to satisfy my passion back to being an artist.

I always battle with myself and my self-criticising nature that's why most of the time I have my artwork end up in the bin or just simply shelved in forever. Definitely I wanted to be at par with other artists. I wanted to back up my skills with an academic foundation, something to establish my realistic confidence.

Does a University degree strictly make one a real artist? When you came from other field of studies, does it mean you can't become one like artistic intellectual? You can paint, you can create, you are more than able to use your imagination, you can think and conceptualise and futhermore, you are more than able to explore... but when someone says NO... do you need to think of the end???

NEGLECT & REGRET

2008-08-23T12:54:00.004+01:00

I'd say goodbye for now, I know it will be long

before we see each other again

I know it will not be the same

as the old days when we were as free as the birds

but no matter what, you will always be my best friend.

I remember the days when we simply spend time

talk about stupid things and laugh like crazy

long time ago when I was fragile

you were there to cheer me up

You spoiled me like a pampered child

you treated me as your brother

you never failed to remember me even if I do

My heart is bleeding and my soul cries

regret is killing me, I wish I didn't neglect you

I know its too late, I am suffering the price

My bestfriend, I am now alone

I wish you are here so I would feel the same happy as I was

They say 'you'll not miss the water until it's gone'

and I do realise that now, I wish I could turn back the time.

My bestfriend, goodbye for now

we will see each other again in a distant future

my heart will never change even if your's do

I will always cherish the moment that we had

I wish I get over this pain of losing you.

THE LEGEND HAPPENED IN CHINA.. TODAY.

2008-08-15T21:27:00.005+01:00

The recently held 2008 Beijing Olympics Opening Ceremony has been remarkable, earning so much respect and amazement over its host country, China. Several media commentators have expressed their salute to this one of the most outstanding events in the history of the Olympiad, and China so far is the only country who exceeded the grandest Olympics hosting ever made.

This time, the once regarded 'The Sleeping Giant' has proved the whole world that it was never asleep and has been making history over thousand of years ago. Very rich culture and tradition, great nature and wonderful people... this country has taken its toll to shine over the whole world.

Despite of the issues and challenges behind, with the protest to free Tibet, the human rights offenses in China and other political issues that threaten to boycott the event, everything went successful and China once again tasted the sweet triumph.

Lets just hope that everything about these problems take within the right place at the right time. Olympics is for the whole world to celebrate unity .. should not be political in any way.

A CHALLENGE TO MY FAITH

2008-08-04T12:11:00.003+01:00

I was watching a series of documentary about geological discovery of artifacts linking to Jesus Christ's possible remains as a suspected burial ground was uncovered few years back and believed to be the family of Jesus'... including his. This has caused controversy as it contradicted the Bible's statement having Christ ascended into heaven after resurrection, and furthermore linking to the idea that Mary Magdalene was married to Jesus as her ossuary(geologist believed) was found along with Jesus' (based on geologists' initial conclusion).

Following this, I was inspired to create another work that has a religious theme, not directly because I was greatly affected by the show but this has been one of my dream project. I usually dont plan my next artwork, I just carry on with what comes to my mind... so this is the outcome.

Having seen the result, my comissioner was amused and commended me for a very nice painting in-progress. He then suggested and offered to commision to do an art something extremely intriguing and I would say scandalous... to make a painting of Jesus and Mary Magdalene making love. I didnt agree on the idea despite of a big amount of money and opportunity to be recognised. I was once repremanded for painting a Madonna and Child naked.. (the art was shelved and never finished as I was asked to dress it up).... and I would never do the same offence again. Im not a very religious person but I was raised with a solid foundation of faith. I told my comissioner, God gave me the talent... I wouldnt do use it to destroy him no matter what.

ART ONLINE

2008-07-18T15:19:00.006+01:00

These are my latest ongoing project, both are untitled and soon to be completed.

60cm x 60cm oil on canvas seascape

________________________________

40cm x 30cm oil on canvas, still life

______________________________________________

THESE IMAGES ARE COPYRIGHT PROTECTED

LIVING MY PASSION

2008-07-11T22:34:00.012+01:00

I write, I compose, sometimes I sing... yeah, I do!! But this time I paint. I finally finished my latest painting (well... almost). This is my second version of "The Birth of Venus", which took me almost a total of three weeks to complete. Unlike the first one, this is more detailed and more realistic highlighting the use of light and shadow againts high contrast and bright colours.

The artwork is 16" x 14", oil on canvas mounted on a half-inch pine back frame and is expected to be completed this month.

Another completed painting is "Summerwind" which is inspired by fantastic summer view around Malton in North Yorkshire, 40" x 10" oil on canvas, unframed.

ART GALLERY II

2008-07-08T18:51:00.010+01:00

"SUMMERWIND"

10" x 14" oil on canvas

July, 2008

--------------------------------

"SUNSET"
14" x 16" oil on canvas
July, 2008

-----------------------------------

COPYRIGHT PROTECTED

http://www.teddyrabida.com/

LAKE DISTRICT ADVENTURE : My First English Exploration

2008-07-02T13:51:00.027+01:00

This is my very first holiday in England. The sky went pissing down all the time though we were blessed by a single sunny, warm day that gave us the opportunity to climb up the Langdale Pikes, went out of track, got lost and made our own way back against wild grasses, bushes of ferns, thorny shrubs and trees... and finally had a couple of pints at The Stickle Tarn Tavern to treat ourselves for the long, strenous and full of adventure walk.

We visited the Aira Force in Ullswater where we took these magnificent photos despite of a gloomy cold weather and constantly pissing down. Ravenglass gave us a seaside view and at least an experiance to ride a mini-train where the view alongside was fantastic. Other than that, i found nothing extraordinary with the place but not forgetting a nice playground.

The way along Wrynose and Hardknott Pass was breath-taking and finally we missed to take photographs of the Stickle Tarn where I almost passed out while climbing up the rocky hills and cliffs but generally the view up there was absolutely worth it and rewarding.

Other attaction includes the Old English wallings on the fields, Im greatly fascinated by the way it's made.. they call it 'Dry Docking', the mountain goats, some rabbit (we didnt kill any, it was an accident), the money tree in Aira Force and stone bridges. Along with friends, Yut, Charlie, Moddy, Mark and, Eddie and with Iain.. the holiday went all lots of fun and excitement despite of the heavy rain.

A HUNDRED YEARS ECLIPSE

2008-05-11T22:03:00.003+01:00

Tonight I've been to the future and back to the past

millions of images on my mind, just too hard to explain

God let me sleep

I feel strange in bed, with the one next to me

i want this night to pass as fast as it could

this is the longest night of my life.

GOD SAVE THE rICE AGE

2008-04-22T01:21:00.006+01:00

Rice is coming to an extinction and human race is in serious danger. The effects of global warming has destroyed agricultural lands, flooding some parts and at the same time drought made the rest of it barren. Rice farming is being abandoned as a line of work as other opportunities such as city life and modernisation is being considered by agriculture workers. Plantations being developed into real estates and industrial sites, vast fields being converted as grasslands for cattle raising which literally provides more income than the traditional rice and crops propagation. Population expansion is in great demand of food for everyone, famine is being experienced in some parts of the world and its becoming a serious problem.

While the rest of the world are busy resolving the problems concerning the destruction of the ozone layer, here comes another world phenomenon. Food shortage is being suffered in places that were known to be the producers of the world. Countries like Thailand, Vietnam, India and Philippines were vast rice suppliers for decades and now are undergoing a serious dilemma… coping up with globalisation of trades by exporting rice throughout the world leaving no supply to its local consumers. These factors may result in great poverty.. . that may possibly cause war in the long run as nation will go against another fighting for survival. Competition amongst privileged and the less- fortunate ones may possibly rise creating conflicts and insurgencies.
People of today must see these reality and act to save the world. Human existence is at risk and if we don’t act on it now, the rest of the genius world will turn into history.

ROCK MISS WORLD, ROCK!

2008-03-13T12:12:00.005Z

The recently concluded beauty pageant Binibining Pilipinas 2008 created upheaval amongst many Filipinos as according to some, judges’ decision seems a bit controversial. Foreign and local media highlighted the event focusing on the announced winner Bb. Pilipinas- World, Janina San Miguel and it’s being widely criticised on the internet.
This is one of the most anticipated events to most Filipinos along with Manny Pacquiao and other pinoy boxers’ match on an international arena as the delegates selected will represent the country to various worldwide competitions. This year’s winner for Philippines’ delegate to Miss World pageant extremely made her greatest breakthrough. A seventeen year-old, Mass Communication freshman is from the University of the East – my alma mater.

As I read some news clips on the internet about this and learned that one of the winners is a UE student, I went on further and to my dismay, saw several video clips at youtube about the controversial question-and-answer of Ms. San Miguel.

I can hardly believe that this situation did really happen and it’s just unbelievable as this could only be heard on common jokes about obnoxious pinoy English knowing that Philippines is one of the call centre capital of the world.
In my honest opinion, Ms. San Miguel did a great job as she finally made it to win the crown and she caused wakefulness to most of the Filipino people. In the middle of continuous political turmoil in the country, at least there are some other things that our people could divert their attention at. In addition to, this may have called the attention to improve our educational system as Philippines is not going far behind to progression.

University of the East and all educational institutions could play an important role on this particularly by improving its system to help students to be academically and socially prepared on situations like this. I could recall when I was at UE, 8 years ago, Speech classes were provided but it really didn’t help us at all. Our Speech Comm. Professor couldn’t even pronounce English words correctly and unbelievably most of us finished the course without understanding and learning the basic and Standard English Vowels and Consonant applications, which is very important in accent training and oral and conversational English. We were introduced to the Mock Radio facility for vocal modulation but never used it ever. Entirely, the whole speech class was in writing.

Philippines has a very promising future in Call Centre industry and many Filipinos are doing well with a call-centre career. Trainings are provided efficiently and this is becoming the starter to many Pinoy aspirants, in which they should have it in their high school and college courses. Few years back, there were reports about 2 out of 20 applicants for a call centre makes it and 1 out of 2 makes it to the final interview. Evidently, Filipino people are genuinely diversed people who could easily adapt to any learning advancement.

Janina San Miguel’s journey to win the Miss World crown is going further if Filipinos would take the situation in a positive light. This may be funny but not enough reason to make fun with, instead, why don’t we help each other to improve each and everyone? Foreign people doesn’t really care about speaking a perfect language, afterall, it’s the thought that counts and the person’s overall personality.

PINOY ULTIMATE SURVIVORS

2008-03-10T13:56:00.001Z

Our TFC (The Filipino Channel, a local Philippine television network subscription made available worldwide, powered by ABS-CBN company) service was restored back after 5 straight months. Realising that we were getting out dated with Philippines’ current events and news, particularly the rise-and-fall of Philippine peso in the world market, we decided to re-subscribe to the service.

Unsurprisingly, after few days of watching, I went exhausted and sick of the program Wowowee which is being aired during noontime in the Philippines. This show is absolutely filthy I should say. Claiming that it is to help millions of poor Filipino family to have a chance of winning a cash prize at the same time having fun in front of the national television, this sounds fair enough but looking at the entire picture, it is indirectly putting the whole Filipinos to humiliation as its being viewed worldwide.
These poor people are extremely looking pathetic in front of the national television in exchange of a little amount of cash while the rest of the world is having fun watching them thinking that its cause is to provide charities to the less fortunate. The more desperate-looking you are, the more cash you’ll get seems to be one of its’ game agenda.
This situation maybe funny in some point, but I strongly believe that it’s not something that one should make fun with. It’s absolutely disturbing as you can see; these poor people are really trying hard to look miserable in order to win a prize. Remembering the tragedy of the Ultra Stampede few years back, several lives were jeopardised for the same reasons and yet, our poor people didn’t seem to learn their lessons at all. They cant be blamed, as this opportunity could basically provide them extra fortune regardless of how humiliating they may be as afterall, everyone may think, these are all for fun. But its actually not, in fact very sickening. In the law of media ethics, a responsible broadcasting is strictly observed. Basically, the main objective is to expose the truth for the awareness of everyone concerned, however, there are some limitations that should be considered for the welfare of the viewers and everyone involved. Looking at these helpless people perform to look silly to win a cash prizes is as bad as watching a bleeding crippled person, being asked to dance in exchange of help.
ABS-CBN is a powerful network equipped with talented people working behind the scenes and the show’s host Willie Revillame is an equally talented person with a distinct charisma, definitely this would keep the show at its best even if they slightly reformat the show’s concept a little bit.

Lastly, the Filipino people is capable of doing something more than dancing, singing out of tune, making fun of themselves and struggling for a couple amount of money, whether rich or poor. A typical pinoy with dignity and pride is a survivor for all times, and this is what the world wants to see.

NON JE NE REGRETTE RIEN

2008-02-07T18:31:00.001Z

I won’t regret loving you, I never will
The risks I took and the fears I had
Its all nothing against your worth
The joy you give and the smile you bring
Your arms around me and the moments we shared

You and me against the world
The distance between us
The lonesome each time we go apart
I wont regret as everything is worth enduring for

I live with fears, that one day you maybe gone
When my life is in your hand and my happiness is in your love
But I wont regret my love as you’ve given me your best

If one day I get hurt, if it happen that I fail
I will still be thankful
For somehow you made me believe in love
I will not succumb in pain

When I die, I wont be regretful
My life went meaningful, you made it complete
You gave me love, more than I deserve
I could wish for perpetuity, but I wont regret.

No, no regrets.
When you live, expect death
And in love, there will be pain
For every hope, there is a fear behind
Don’t regret , all the things are meant to be.

_______________________

Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien

Non, Rien De Rien, Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien
Ni Le Bien Qu`on M`a Fait, Ni Le Mal
Tout Ca M`est Bien Egal

Non, Rien De Rien, Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien
C`est Paye, Balaye, Oublie, Je Me Fous Du Passe

Avec Mes Souvenirs J`ai Allume Le Feu
Mes Shagrins, Mes Plaisirs,
Je N`ai Plus Besoin D`eux
Balaye Les Amours Avec Leurs Tremolos
Balaye Pour Toujours
Je Reparas A Zero

Non, Rien De Rien, Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien
Ni Le Bien Qu`on M`a Fait, Ni Le Mal
Tout Ca M`est Bien Egal
Non, Rien De Rien, Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien
Car Ma Vie, Car Me Joies
Aujourd`hui Ca Commence Avec Toi Non Je Ne Regrette Rien

LA MôME

2008-02-05T23:21:00.001Z

She came from nowhere, down to the streets of Paris and she had the world at her feet. With strong adoration to St. Therese of the Child Jesus, a child with so much hope but less fate, Edith became one of the world's most famous person. Her talent was the only weapon, with her love as her fortress and her entire life as the battlefield, she conquered and triumphed over the whole world. She died of a cancer, caused by alcohol and heroin, at the peak of her fame but her life was never wasted as she lived to the fullest of it. She is an admirable woman with a brilliant life and a legendary existence.

Edith Piaf was nobody to me until I've watched La Môme, a masterpiece by Olivier Dahan and starred by Marion Cotillard. The film tribute to the legendary Edith Piaf earned various recognitions all over the world and the most awaited and anticipated Oscars 2008.

Technically, La MôME is outstanding. The mileu is set perfectly with all the time elements of the early 20th century. The phasing is absolutely artistic as it jumps from one phase of her life to another and back, making us desire to watch it again entirely. One of the best parts of it is when she was lamenting over Marcel's death, transitioning to her coming out to the stage. Its very symbolic as her life went revolving around her lovelife and the desperation due to the loss of her love resulted to coming back to the stage to perform once again.

The portrayal of Edith's life on this film is marvelous and very moving. I've read one review about this, critizising the film's perspective as according to the critic, it focused on the bad story of her. I strongly believe that the film is very powerful, the element of pain and sorrow made it even more interesting. This picture showed us how Edith Piaf went with her life, with drug addiction, alcoholism and her illness, that afterall, everyone could tell at the end of the movie that she lived a wonderful life and remained adorable despite of everything. Million of people today knows Edith at heart because of this film. Her rise and fall became an inspiration to everyone to appreciate life, fate and of course, her legendary music.

LOST & FOUND

2008-02-05T10:47:00.000Z

I woke up each morning, I didn’t know what I want.
Couldn’t live each day, I forgot who I was.
The old me has gone, cant seem to recall
I am dosed in the old city and I cant get away from it.

I was a stranger to myself
A survivor of my own fate
I kept believing on genuine people as I thought
But I never found a comfort in the city where life is a trouble

Heading to nowhere, to a place I’ve never been
Getting insane about things, I went breaking myself free
Driving down south my mind was still bare
Empty as my life is, with fears, regrets and risks.

I woke up and open my eyes
And I saw your face before mine
In a strange land I found warmth
In myself I found peace.

I found the love in you, Scarborough
I belong to you
You had me at my worst and you have me at my best
You may not deserve me, but my love will be forever yours

The simple life you brought is the greatest thing I ever had
I want to spend a lifetime with you
I wanna die in your arms, Scarborough.

A STORY ABOUT FAITH (adapted)

2008-01-16T23:19:00.000Z

A girl was raped in Marikina (a city in Manila), teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, She asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it.

However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her.

When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep.

Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before.

When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked her for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. She was curious as to why he had not attacked her.

When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her."

Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98% of teenagers will not stand up for God?

----------------------------------------------
Writer's Comment

This is a re-post and I didnt write this but i think its something nice to share.

A LOVE STORY MADE IN ENGLAND

2008-01-07T01:55:00.000Z

It’s a story about love, passion and somehow we can say insanity. In a deeper sense we can say it tells more about trust and faith and behind it all, sensuality describes all in it. She happened to meet a stranger and struck to fall in love leaving everything that she got behind including her career, her relationship and entire life. Its about falling in love with the person that you barely know and making it happen in a strike of a lightning, loaded with love and passion and hunger for intimacy.
All for the sake of love, she will give up everything just to be with the one she genuinely love. Its about living a brand new life in a brand new world with a brand new love. Everything seemed to be perfect but love cannot survive alone as trust must come along to make it stronger and resistant to any kind of destruction. When we love somebody we tend to give up everything and its simply crazy but fulfilling.
Somehow when we think about our past, we tend to be cautious with what’s ahead of us but we let things happen as we trust in love alone. Somehow its magic to meet someone and fall in love right away as if everything has taken its places all at the same time. We close our eyes and see nothing but the good of the one we love making us blinded throughout but as we open it, we see the clearer and realistic vision . Trust keeps us going as we deal with reality, going into a process of knowing the person that we chose to be with and loving them at all the worst and best that they can be and eventually turn trust into faith.

I’ve watched this film entitled ‘Killing Me Softly’ in 2003 and since then, casts Joseph Fiennes and Heather Graham became my favourite actors.Giving credit to its director Chen Kaige for outstanding shots and cinematography, the actors did the greatest job by making it sensually realistic and stunning behind it all. It’s a well written plot and the twists are effectively playing on artistically-shot scenes. One of my favourite part of this is when Adam (joseph fiennes) and Alice (heather graham) went to their honeymoon in a secluded countryside. It was so far the most romantic sex scene that I’ve ever seen when Adam had this long silk garment (I forgot what its called like but its like a long scarf) tied around Alice’s neck to the ceiling and back to his hands. This is a symbolism of faith and trust to the one we love. And yeah! the love scenes are fantastically stimulating.

RETURN TO SENDER (user not found)

2008-01-04T01:04:00.000Z

Did you hurt him just because somebody hurt you?
You cant be with him even just as friends because you decided to be alone.
When all he wanted was to stay around and see you from a distance.
And he wanted nothing else but your happiness and show you more about life other than pain and misery.
As he made himself a good listener and comforter despite of possibly having the same fate.

Did you push him away to do things that he doesn’t do and be someone that he is not just because you didn’t care at all?
You called him obsessed when he loves you in silence and did nothing else.
And he chose to be still and say nothing because he knew you were vulnerable and you pain was hurting and your wounds were not healed.
You wanted him to loosen when he was never heavy.
And you didn’t realise you have hurt him as what other s did to you.

Would you continue looking at him same as the people who hurt you that’s why you wanted him to suffer?
You drove him out and mess up his life when he just wanted to stay safe with you.
And you disrespected him as he kept his admiration.
You cared for yourself without thinking that he may have cared for you more.

Can’t friendship exist on top of loving?
Can’t someone love without being loved in return?
Can’t it be a one-way thing?
Can’t love be unconditional?

R.S.V.P.

2007-12-29T01:28:00.000Z

i wish im home, back to where i belong

where i spent the whole of my 26 years of living

with the people who cares much for me, people who i never paid enough attention

i wish i am well, on this especial day

so i would feel dearly exceptional

at least once in a year with full of challenges and dismay

i wish im not alone so i dont have to do stupid things

cos i might regret, when things get sorted with me.

i wish my wishes were granted so i could appreciate the gift of another year existence.

THE DRAGONFLY

2007-11-17T23:25:00.000Z

Love makes us what kind of person we are. Its shaping our values based on what we have been into. Sometimes we are mean, dumb and uncaring because we saw and learned it somewhere from the past. It could be our parents, friends and previous relationship partners. We are what we eat and we are what we grew up with. Human beings, when in love, are selfish creatures. What they all care about is their feelings. They are bound to hurting other people intentionally or not and their existence lies on a touch-and-go game.

When I was a kid, I remember I caught an insect using a long palm leaf stick with a resin from a tree to stick them on it. My mom saw me with a dark red-coloured dragonfly caught between my fingers. I was a very curious child and out of my mean curiosity i tore both wings so it couldnt fly away and i could play with it. It's been really nice watching it struggle wanting to fly away. I held it againts me and had a close watch at its face that looks like an alien in a helmet. Suddenly, my curiousity led into something more that I had to tear its head and watch it strangle to death. My mom said to me "Did you ever realise how did it take to have that dragonfly be like what it is?" I didnt understand her at that point but she instilled to me that no matter how small and ugly a living thing is, nature took a great care to have it as it is and killing such a wonderul creature is very mean. I remembered once she told me about rice plants, how its being planted and grown, and the process of the nature nurturing every grain to make it to our tables to eat, it took months to grow, uncounted drops of sweat to produce and immeasurable effort from the nature to make it and its completely worthless to spare a single grain of it. This made a lot of sense to me and i would never forget this lesson ever.

We are all like a kid that i was and dragonflies at the same time. As we live on, we play with curiousity. We tend to get attracted to dragonflies with the most distinctive colours and sophisticated features, and as long as we got them in our hands we make them stuck to us and push to their limits. We would never realise what that fly have been through before reaching us until we become another dragonfly ourselves and experience the same fate. Its just a very awful situation that real dragonflies die right within the hands of a curious child and human dragonflies die and get back into life and flies again and fall on another playful kid and suffer death all over again.

RETURN TO SENDER (with no forwarding address)

2007-11-14T17:45:00.000Z

Why is that when i love someone, it doesnt seem to fit
and when somebody else loves me, i barely care?
Why cant I settle for less when its gonna give me their best?
Am I not destined to find happiness? Dont I deserve joy?
Life gives me no other options but to choose between what is wrong that makes me happy,
and the righteous that makes no sense to me. My heart and mind are greatest enemy.
Is this the way it should be?
I learned to set free. I learned to supress myself.
I even learned to love in silence and hide the pains with brilliant smiles
Am i doing it right?
Why do i keep believing in love? My faith is strong but is it enough to keep me going?
Why cant I be like the person that the world wants me to be?
Why do I strive for the best when I hated myself?

--------------------------------

WITH EVERY STEP

2007-11-04T23:53:00.000Z

JONATAN CERRADA performs live at the 2004 EUROVISION

A CHAQUE PAS

Jonatan Cerrada

Il y a des blessures

Qu’on devra oublier

Tellement de ratures

Qu’il faudra effacer

Souffler très fort pour que s’envole de nos cœurs la rancune

Et puis faire tomber les barrières une à une…

A chaque pas que l’on fera

A chaque geste qu’on offrira

Ce sera le début d’un autre demain

Dans chaque mot que l’on dira

Dans ce futur qu’on construira

C’est l’Amour que dessineront nos mains

Il y a des injures

Qu’il faudra pardonner

Des cris contre des murs

Qui lesferont tomber

Déposons les armes à nos pieds, délaissons nos armures

Et que nos conflits ne soient plus que murmure

A chaque pas que l’on fera

A chaque geste qu’on offrira

Ce sera le début d’un autre demain

Dans chaque mot que l’on dira

Dans ce futur qu’on construira

C’est l’Amour que dessineront nos mains

La bataille sera longue

Mais tu sais elle en vaut la peine

L’enfant en nous trouvera le cheminIl y a des felures

Qui resteront brisées

Des coups un peu durs

A jamais marqués

A chaque pas que l’on fera

A chaque geste qu’on offrira

Se que al final lograras encontrar

La paz y la felicitad

En tu camino hallaras

Todo lo que deseas alcanzar

C’est l’Amour que dessineront nos mains.

JONATAN CERRADA music video of A Chaque Pas

This song is truly wonderful. He didnt make it to the Eurovision but its legendary. He was one of the best on the history.

THE PERSON IN ME

2007-08-12T03:16:00.001+01:00

I am the inventor, the risk taker, and the developer of new ideas and schemes that can either plummet myself into bankruptcy or catapult to riches and glory. Dozens of ideas ricochet in my head at any given moment, and I can talk circles around anyone I know. I am the epitome of creativity.

Falling in love may take a while for me because of my selective nature: I am the type of person who may pass by several “quality candidates” until I feel I have found the ideal mate. As a result, I may be single for far longer than my friends and family expected me to be. Even when I find the right person, I still want to maintain my sense of uniqueness and personal space. As a result, I need a partner who will leave me alone when I desire it - a partner who has her own sense of self-confidence and autonomy and doesn’t need to be around me twenty-four/seven.

Tips for myself

Where can I meet an Innovator? Innovators are the most eclectic of the Knowledge Seekers; their spontaneous and inquisitive nature takes them almost everywhere. They are especially delighted by social events that trigger their imaginative and logical minds. Look for Innovators anywhere their powerful intellect can be stimulated and where they can exercise their considerable communication skills.

Hell, this is not an advertisement of myself but this could be helpful to someone. This is another crazy result of a personality test that I recently completed. And just like horoscopes and predictions, I do not rely and completely believe on what this has to say but at least a reference and a kindda "nice to know" stuff. I hope you had fun and learned something new about me today. Cheers.

BEATING THE HOMESICKNESS

2007-07-27T02:50:00.000+01:00

I long to be home. All of a sudden my life has changed. I’ve got a brand new view ahead of me. I contend with different faces everyday, I do things that I don’t usually do, I sleep not on my own bed. And in the morning, I open my eyes with a scene different from I usually wake up with. I’m back to finding myself. I started to begin a new life.
I’m back to meeting the new me. Everything seems different. Yesterday seems like a distant past, I hardly remember the details of what the other day was. My previous endeavors seems useless to be counted off, my old plans look like not gonna work. I’m totally clueless on how to handle myself, being dependent on what’s goin to happen next. I don’t want to motivate myself but I deeply know I need to keep going. I have no idea about what tomorrow’s gonna be. I think I left myself at home.

I used to worry about life. I plan a lot. I care to make everything in place. Perfect. This is all I wanted to make my life. I’ve got too many problems, too many things to worry about, too many things to be tired of, too many complications… but now I think these are all making my life normal. And now that these are gone, I am in a limbo.

I wanted my old life. I miss my parents who were there to stop me from smoking all the time that whenever I get home from work served as my stress reliever. I miss the people around the house that no matter how noisy and disordered were making my day complete. I long to have my old phone and text all day. I miss my dogs, my old stuff, the usual lousy TV shows, my pc… I miss to sleep on my bed. I long to be home. I know I wanted to have this opportunity and I will be better… but nothing could be worst than being far away from home and got nothing but wishful thinking about what was left.

SYMPTOMS OF A BROKEN HEART

2007-07-12T12:48:00.000+01:00

Watery eyes with tears difficulty comin out..
..holding the breath to stop the suffocation.
Each heart beat cause exhaustion.
You feel your head is on the ground.
Mind’s miles away.
Blank face makes impassive expression.
Seeing the world around when you know eyes are closed
You are alive but you feel like you’re six-feet under
Stomach stirring up, nerves are breaking.
Blood run miles per second, heart pounding a million times
Soul’s in comatose, brain’s dead
A feeling of bloodless wounds... extreme pain, no incision, no laseration.
Air goes by a hole in the chest and vital signs alright.
No medical explanation, existent since ancient times.

Wishing you're dead but life goes on.

UNDERSTANDING LOVE

2007-07-05T18:27:00.000+01:00

Love has many faces. It depends on who is involved. There are no ideals. There is no explicit meaning. It is slanted on whoever the subjects are. Love is indefinite.

People often search for true love but they don’t know how to differentiate the one from false ones. They say love is blind but they don’t know mind works another way from the heart. It’s the mind that negates the right from wrong when the heart is responsible on what makes one happy or not. Love sometimes makes the fool out of one’s mind and permissive on heart’s impulses thus making it blind. In the case of a hopeless romantic, one searches for true love in whatever form just to have somebody physically present to be called “love one”. On the contrary, we often set standards in finding our partners and put imaginary characters on someone that we like to have the person fit on the ideals that we set. We please ourselves by putting our expectations over the person and get disappointed when the latter reveals himself in time.

Love can be in many forms. A lust inspired love is the most common. Involved parties go together because they satisfy sexual needs and fantasies of each other. A couple stays together when both are sexually efficient and interesting. Love is present when sexual attraction is alive on both ends.

Another visage of love is companionship. Human nature is way far from being alone. Sometimes we love a person because we need them to be with us in times of problems, hardships and challenges as we don’t want to be single-handed. They say penguins spend half of their lives searching for their partners and spend the rest of it with them. How about humans? Everyday is an opportunity to be with many individuals.

Sometimes we hear a person say “I love you because you are what you are” and this is basically all about the persons understanding and knowledge about the subject. What if the opposite party changed?

Love is a mutual lifetime commitment and the ultimate point of individuality.

Finding true love is finding oneself as loving someone means loving yourselves first. We shouldn’t aim to be loved when we vaguely know our self-worth. We don’t find our partners to fulfill our needs but we search for someone to rest with, with everything we have and everything we are. Find yourself and love will find you.

_____________________________________

WRITER'S COMMENT

This blog entry is written for a very special friend who's love and life became an inspiration to me. I am extremely delighted of her trust and friendship.

GALLERY

2007-06-30T06:19:00.000+01:00

MY SELF-CRUCIFIXION

20" x 20" oil on canvas

january 2007

MY EARLY RETIREMENT

24" x 12" oil on canvass

june 2006

ORIGINAL SIN
15" x 15" oil on ceramic
july 2006

UNYONG
12" x 9" oil on canvass
june 2007

BIRTH OF VENUS

12" x 9" oil on canvass
january 2007

PANGS
15" x 10" pen & ink on paper
july 2005

BOOJEE
12" x 9" oil on canvass
january 2007

THE WATERFUN EXPERIENCE

2007-06-25T15:55:00.000+01:00

Six to seven years back, it became a devastating experience to me that every once a year, there was this single day that you go out on the streets and you get these freakin folks splatter pails of water over to everyone they see. Usually clean water is being used but there are some who used stagnant and grimy liquids and out of fun, cruelty or for whatever reasons, they seemed enjoying the happenings as a part of a long-time tradition of the feast of Saint John, the Baptist.
If you were not a resident of San Juan or other places like Manila where St. John is the patron saint, you would never understand why these freaks would do the kind of nastiness. Through these years, I’ve learned to anticipate 24th of June as the day to avoid going out if you wish to keep yourself dry all day so when you have classes, work or any pertinent appointment, you should cancel and set out on another day.

Few years since then and now, I never projected that I will ever be a part of that water fun. I recently attended the Water Festival at the Dinalupihan Town Fiesta in Bataan in the honor of the aquatic patron St. John, the Baptist. Crazy happy people, huge fire trucks, devotees carrying torn foliage, street dancing… the spirit of the old Filipino tradition is very well alive.

It was my first experience to dance in the streets of a place that I was never been, got wet all over and had so much fun. Sun burn and a little runny nose followed shortly but of course nothing could be better than feastings over great food, beers and of course, warmth of the people of Dinalupihan. Truly it became a remarkable experience and gateway to embrace and love the idea about an absurd tradition.

DEAR BLOG

2007-06-01T17:59:00.001+01:00

I’ve been away, all by myself. My journey went distant, you went far behind.
I went offline as you were left hanging...you know, you’ve missed so much about me.
We are no best friends but you are somewhat I can always count on
When I am devastated, I abandoned you and you never left me.

You help me show the whole world how I feel.
My talents restored, I believed in myself once again.
Cameras went on and off; you’ve been my constant audience.
Thank you for celebrating with me… and for sharing the tears as well.

Tonight I come back, as I write you another piece, accustomed thoughts about hurting, melancholy and glory.
Reflection of my ideas, expression of my emotions, you let me be the way I am.
It’s been a while and here I am again, my soul hungers to be listened, you are my sole aid to be in touch of the world.

Tonight I feel extraordinary; I am in need of a companion
No one else could understand me at least I know you would
You could always agree with me no matter how complicated I can be
I can be myself all the way and you would let me be

Tomorrow will come and dark segment ends
A book opens a new chapter and my life goes on.
As I get myself diverted and busy with the things to come…
…never ever consider that you are being taken for granted.
For as long as I exist and even when I’m passed away, there will always be somebody who would take a look back on the memories.

FILL IN THE BLANKS

2007-05-28T04:09:00.000+01:00

I came to you in my worst but I felt genuinely the best. You filled the long-time empty side of my bed. I woke up in the middle of the night with your lips kissing mine, I know I missed it but I guess not… my soul wasn’t sleeping when you did.

You turn hope into reality, the lonesome nights became restful. A single day with you is a year long, that every second counts and each moment is worth spending, you took bad memories away

I almost forgot how to love but you reminded me of the old feeling when I was vulnerable, when my heart was supple and when my mind was sappy.
You brought back the tears in me when I am sad that you are far, that I love you and I am helpless and that I’m happy because God gave you to me.

You said I made you felt loved for real as I took you as my possession and I am the realization of your dreams and the answer to your wishes.

Now I say to you, you are the gift that made my questions answered. You reformatted my life and you are the only one left on file. I am complete and blessed, happy and even better. You made me live my life again and believe in God once more.

ANATOMY and BEYOND

2007-01-19T03:37:00.000Z

I am in pain.
I am being choked by a giant saliva... its blocking my throat
and my chest feels like parting I can hardly breathe...
I suffer a billion stab each time i do
my head is flying, bumping a thousand boulders
My eyes wanna close but million images are flashing in seconds
I am like floating in a dark endless sea
I long to rest but my heart keeps on beating.
I gasp for some air but my lungs are empty
My lips are dry, my toungue tastes bitter
My system is working but my brain is dead
I feel in my fingertips, blood keeps flowing through my veins... despite of my heartbeat stop
I know Im tired and exhausted, wanting to end the agony
I dont know how to let it go.
If this is dying, why its taking me long?
Why is that everytime my heart breaks I have to suffer death?

CHINESE ASTROLOGY

2007-01-10T08:57:00.000Z

Element: Earth

Mode: Cardinal

Ruler: Saturn

Color: Black, Dark Green, Cherry Red

Famous Capricorns:Muhammad Ali, Humphrey Bogart, Al Capone, Marlene Dietrich, Ava Gardner, Mel Gibson, Eartha Kitt, Jack London, Henri Matisse, Henry Miller, Mao Tse-tung, Richard Nixon, Aristotle Onassis, Elvis Presley, Sade, Albert Schweitzer, Howard Stern, Donna Summer, Christy Turlington

Strengths:Ambitious, authoritarian, calm, demanding, diligent, diplomatic, efficient, focused, genial, loyal, patient, pragmatic, profound realistic

Weaknesses:Calculating, despotic, indifferent, inflexible, moody, schoolmasterly, severe, skeptical, opinionated, rigorous Capricorn, the tenth sign of the zodiac, represents discipline, ambition, and rationality, making you the most determined and persistent sign of the zodiac, teddy. Since you have such an unshakable faith in your own power, you have an extreme capacity for hard work and endurance. Saturn, the planet of challenges and restrictions, is the ruler of Capricorn. Saturn is sometimes associated with bad luck; however, without the obstacles of Saturn we would never grow and evolve any further, which makes this planet the one that makes us tough, because it teaches us to develop patience and staying power. teddy, Capricorn is the third earth sign, which means you know that you can’t live on inspiration alone, and therefore, you have become a down-to-earth realist, and are willing to take care of the daily chores. For that reason, stability and consistency are very important to you. You, Capricorn, rule the tenth house of the horoscope, a sector associated with career, social standing, and personal aspirations.

Furthermore, this house describes your ambitions and goals in life, as well as your public image and your reputation in your social circles. Capricorn is a cardinal sign, meaning that you don’t wait for others to take action - you charge right in making full use of your qualities of pragmatism, efficiency, and diligence.

courtesy of www.astrocenter.com

TESTIMONIALS

2006-12-06T06:28:00.000Z

Carl Posted 8/11/2003 on Friendster
This guy rocks!I mean, he's the kindof person wHo will conquer his dreams and aspirations. he's not afraid of life's miseries and treats it as a point of improvement. He is the dependable one and most of all the Matinee Idol of the sprint Program. Seriously speaking, teddy is the kind of person who will reach out just to help you - specially when you are in need. This guy is instrumountable, terrific and always up to the latest trends in fashion and music. One positive trait of this guy is that he is very idealistic - he knows what he's fighting for and that is something we all admire in this guy.GO TED!

Chy Posted 7/11/2003 on Friendster
A guy who speaks his mind out. A few conversations shared with him and right away we got along with each other. There are so many sides in his personality that will really amaze you.Though he may not know why im truly grateful for having him as a friend...im just thankful that he is. Miss you Teddy. See you around. :)

Chy Posted 20/3/2004 on Friendster
Si Teddy? Naku he's a stone cut into different facets. Artist kasi. You can talk about everything and anything with him. My protector - nag-ala knight in shining armor ko at one point of my life. He's a really good friend. Masayang kausap. Basta proud ako naging friend ko sya. Miss the chikahan Teddy.C u around! Mwah-mwah-mwah!

Armida Posted 7/11/2003 on Friendster
This person is really one of the most adorable persons I've seen in my entire life. He's also the person being so serious when it comes to reviewing for the exams. Grabbbeee... andami daw kaya niyang na ingganyo sa pagrereview sa amspeak class namin and mind you, it turned out good for we all passed. What more can I say? everybody loves him.Teka, do you know whom I am refferring to? Si teddy ba ang tinatanong niyo?naku! sorry kasi akala ko yung isa ko pang classmate si Teddy boy pala eh, ibang usapan na yan pag si Teddy na.(joke..Joke..Joke)he.he.he.. Well, to our darling Teddy, goodluck!

Kc Posted 6/11/2003 on Friendster
Si pareng Teddy di na kami magka iba niyan!!! Pareho na kaming nasundot nung medical!!! Yahooo!!! Sakit!!! (Sharap mag red horshhhh!!!!)

Jeffrey Posted 25/2/2004 on Friendster
Teddy is a guy that who have lots of sense of humor. Sa sobrang dami ng sense of humor niya, minsan nakakapikon na. Hehehe, but this guy is serious when it comes to work. He exudes professionalism though sometimes sobrnag tigas ng ulo. Hahahaha, taliwas yan sa tama eh. He's my partner sa team kaya lagi akong inaasar. Though one time napikon me, pero that;s okay..Hehehe, thanks for the testi, sira ka talaga. And thanks for the funny moments dude... Happy??? hehehe...

Dessa Posted 22/2/2004 on Friendster
C Teddy b kamo? Well...pag sya kausapmo e para ka narin nanood ng "EDUCATIONAL SHOW" sa dame ng point of view nya sa lahat ng bagay lalo nasa "S"!Sa sobra pang kulit eh imposible na makatulog ka sa work lalo na pag nag-access sya ng ibang website! Talagang mapapalingon ka!!! Kidding aside, its fun to hang around w/ him & the rest of Jojo & Chris. Feel mo, one of the boys ka na ren!!!

NeNeJoY Posted 22/2/2004 on Friendster
EEUGUEE!!!! that's what we call him kase isa syang bear! as in teddy the bear! hehehe! makulit, makulit at makulit. actually para syang bata although talagang bata pa daw sya...pero ang weird! kase kung bata pa syabaket sya napapanot?! bwehehehehe! sobrang mang-asar to! buti na lang di pa sya nasasapak dahil sa kakulitan! although madalas nabubugbog namen sya. pag kasama mo tong hayop na to(kase ngabear sya) magiging masaya ka!promise!!! okay serious na... i've known this guy for almost 4 months na and i can say na he's a great friend...kase daw me nagsabi na mataray ako pero you know what?! pinagtanggol nya ko! thanks ha! kahit ganyan ka pala me nagagawa kang tama! hehehehe! thanks for all the fun memories na nagawa mo! ganyan ka na lang lagi ha! kase mas tanggap namen kahit sabihin pa nilang mukha kang abnormal! =)

'kot' Posted 19/2/2004 on Friendster
si teddy,ka amspeak ko to and ka product! dko gus2 grp ni2 dti kc puro smokers, kala ko mayabang plibhasa kc mbango kya amoy myaman(jowk..eehehehhe), i nvr thot that they'd all be my 1st and best brkda in this business. mbait to, minsan thimik-yoko pag thimik to kc nayayabangan me!:)..dko makakalimutan the time when he sang 'passenger seat' as a punishment sa isang game during our amspeak..ehehhehehe! me cute effect paun ha!nyways miss ko na to kc minsan lng kmi magkta,me utang pko d2-dko panarecopy ung pix na bbgay ko syo-sori msydo bc no time pa eh!bt don't wori i'll keep that promise! matalino to, malambing, mausok-dhil sa yosiboy to! and one of our richkids!:)..mis yah teddy,Godbless yah always!
sHaRoN Posted 2/1/2004 on Friendster
C Ding? insan ko yan... hindi na kami nasanay na tawagin yang TEDDY. Mabait yan,mejo quiet pero makulit din. We thought before na hindi yan totoong lalake... malamya at mahinhin kase nung mga bata pa kami. Pero look at him now,super gwapo (insan, may kapalit to...ahem!). I heard maraming chikas ang humahabol jan... siguro kung di ko yan insan, crush ko yan (hehe! joke). Insan, pakabait ka ha? Inform mo ko pag ikakasal ka na, i have to be there on your wedding day. Nga pala, hindi talaga tayo mag kasing-age. You have to admit na you're 5 years older than me...matanda ka na talaga... so grow up! Luv you insan! *Mwah*

joceLyN Posted 6/3/2004 on Friendster
Naku po...si teddy..pic na pic pa lang comedian nah....hahahhaha This guy is one of the coolest guy na nakilala ko.....pinakamakulit...sa lahat ng makulit...(sabay tingin sa picture) hahahha...isa sa mga sunog baga ng teletech..kahit kalbo yan cute naman wasussssssss.........peace tayo huh,teddy....sayawan kita ng pamela one para lagi kang matatwa..ang kulit mo kasing tumawa parang wala ng bukas....kidding aside sobran gcool...as in coolot netong guy na toh...kala ko hirap kausap nyan pero nung naka jammin na namin sa yosihan ayun na lumabas na ang kakulitan nya...ano ba yan la na kong masabi kundi makulit ka....newei stay cool andf riends for life (kailangan pa bang kabisaduhin nyan)...mwah..

Christian Posted 1/3/2004 on Friendster
this guy here is a str8 up babaero.daming chicks nito ha. sa kwento ngalang (jokes). yeah, in ohana, we call him the king of resolution. he cud resolve practically anything from delays to whatever. this guy is the man. so if you're having any problems with anything, this dude is the person to turn to.

Ana Posted 29/2/2004 on Friendster
Si Teddy ang pinakasira-ulong nakilalako sa Sprint:-) he,he, pero isa din sa pinaka magagalin!dami niyan resolved cases. alam n'yo kung bakit? dahil nahuhulaan n'ya kung maco-confirm na ang isang case o hindi. pa'no? ay, check his head out!:-0 BA,BE,BI,BO,BUUUUUU!!! ay, bolang crystal! Anyways, kahit lagi ko 'yan inaasar e' mahal ko 'yang taong 'yan! o ayan, TAO HA! hindi HAYOP! TAOOOO!!!! wala kasing dull moment pag kasama mo s'ya. kaya nyang sakyan ang topak ko. he,he, salamat sa lahat ng masasayang samahan lalo na sa taxi:-) sana 'wag ka na resign. OHANA will never be the same w/o you e. ingat ka palagi. God bless pare!!!

LeSliE Posted 26/2/2004 on Friendster
etong lalaking ito..ay nakow!!!! sobra.....sobra sa kakulitan...cgro nga tama sha na female version nya ako..pero mas malupeeeet ito..as in awwwww!!!ma papa awwwwwww ka sa pang aalaska nito....pero mind you isa sa magagaling na coaches.. opo coaches at hindi cock-croaches...ahhehehehe...ewan ko ba...super laging top sa mga cases resolved for the week......and galing pa ng sense of humority..(humor) pla......Good Luck sayo "KungFu Master"...sayo ko nag mana ng chinese ability eh...basta sabi na "Feng Shu na...bawal na utang na....credit is good bat'a we nid cash"......and always remember....Shang_lai wang fu go cheng pwe larukutuktuk go cheng wa..chun chunlie..juny li....."byers....Good luck and God Bless sa atin lht......;)

MORE TO COME....

CHOOSE YOUR FLAVOUR

2006-11-23T03:00:00.000Z

Smoking is one of the oldest and legal vices of all times and cigarette is the most popular. Millions of lungs were damaged and lives were taken, yet milions of people are continously enjoying the so-called "stimulation" that it provides. Anti-pressure, and stimulant, these are common reasons why an individual smokes amongst the other one-hundred-and-one.

I remember started smoking when I was fifteen. Along with my high school peers, I tried puffing a long, menthol, low-branded cigarette. It was a feeling of another stage of manhood when I felt Im completely a man just like any other adult guys who smokes. This didnt continue as I didnt get any other benefit out from it aside from the shallow mindset. In college, I started smoking again, at least a stick before goin home from school. This was a way to jam with collegemates and it was when I realized smoking as an aid to lessen stress. We were doin a thesis at that time and I was pressured by writing for some school projects and puffing a stick or two kept me goin... cigarette smoking is mind stimulating then.

My mom knew and felt badly about it. I remember her trying to say "avoid smoking and better drink liquor instead" I know she wasnt serious about it but I thought, you cannot drink all the time and anywhere you want unlike smoking. I also told her, smoking is ever harmless form of vice as no one was ever reported "committed a crime because of too much smoking" unlike drinking which is obviously the most common cause of crimes like homicide and rape. Pans and identified flying objects came into my direction courtesy of her. Since then, we laughed over the matter but she was consistent in convincing me to stop.

Callcenter is the widest and largest cigarette patron in our country. I could imagine tons of cigarette butts collected every morning from each location where a callcenter is.. from the South starting Alabang, Pasay... Makati, Mandaluyong, Ortigas, Quezon City down South to Novaliches. Cigarette industry could be very much alive just on callcenters alone. No damages reported just yet like lung cancer and other serious ailment, but callcenter industry has just started to boost.

Government Warning: Cigarette Smoking is Dangerous to Your Health! As the traditional warning goes, it came into my attention a very strange and weird thing. My cigarette brand started to revise its packaging. Nothing extra-ordinary but an additional, enlarged warning that comes in different statements. I wondered at first if there is a certain difference. Maybe its the imported againts the local made. I bullied my colleagues... at least the govenrment has given us the option to match our cigarettes on our appropriate situations. Some packs shows.. Government Warning: Tobacco Smoke can Harm your Children - definitely this pack is no good for married people or anyone who got kids at home. Another pack shows - Government Warning: Cigarettes are Addictive - and indeed, this is best for people who got a strong sense of self-control. I know there are other statements that Im unable to see yet but one thing for sure .... I wont smoke one from a pack that shows - Government Warning: Cigarette Smoking is Dangerous to Your Health. This is not good for anyone.

Writer's Comment :

This is not a commercial statement neither pro nor againts the brand pictured above. It's just a co-incidence that it is my brand.

... AND THE WORLD STOPPED : Another Filipino Breakthrough

2006-11-19T04:41:00.000Z

Its one of the most awaited events in the Philippine calendar. Its when another Filipino makes another mark in the world's history. Manny Pacquiao is one of them. Today is another day of challenge and another day of anticipation amongst the rest of his race.

Through the times, a certain event like this is being overrated by most of the followers, from the government and other public organizations, to top companies and private institutions down to the common masses. It was noticeable that few months from the date, billboards and other popular campaign materials were seen everywhere promoting the hype. Millions of income are being generated out from simple events similar to this and its truly worth it as somehow, in a period of time, the entire community is united to support this man towards the recognition and pride of the whole nation.

Today is another day of triumph and inspiration within the hearts of many Filipino people. I am not a fan of boxing but a fight of a Filipino boxer is always an exception as I would join my family watch the match waiting to raise the flag at the end of the game. Somehow it boosts the pride that Filipino people are exceptional and could be lined up along with superior nations all over the world, despite of decades of negative impressions and deregatory records. My dad is an ever-fanatic of the boxing industry and so an event like this is a big day for all of us.

Early today, not anticipating the match that Pacquiao is heading, I went online to check if any of my relatives overseas are logged in as usual. I was about to see if my Dad is online to tell him that he must see the fight as i know he will as always. A chatter came into my way and shared a brief conversation and we strangely discussed about The Manny Pacquiao game. This person reacted on the thing about too much glorification on the boxing fight. He sounded to me saying that creating a hype is too much for a person who is being overglorified, creating a hero out of a boxer.. and creating cash out from it. I may think the same way but this time, I dont see any problem with the idea of having the rest of the country stop their world and spend their time watching the game for either a way to support a country fellowman and or entertainment.

In addition, he questioned out what pride are we getting when most of our men are trying hard to be a boxing and basketball idol wannabees and half of our women getting jobs as maids in other countries. He also mentioned out having the rest of the other half as callcenter agents. Very out of context and I strongly disagreed. In some point he may be true but I viewed the idea as extremely pathetic. If the rest of our people would think this way.. what else could it possibly be? So, should we be contented to raise another generation of domestic helpers, boxers and callcenter agents? This is not bad at all as Filipino workers somehow are getting recognition as trusted and valued workers in most countries. And being callcenter agent, I am a living witness and a proof that Filipino service can be as equally efficient with other superior races, otherwise.. foreign investors wont gamble to establish contact centers here in the country despite of more expensive labor rates comparing to other nations. This is far more better than increasing the unemployment, poverty and other negative images that the country has suffered in the previous years. Any other way to help the country regain its integrity and respect from other countries are all good but this isnt bad thing instead. This is not a question of glorifying a certain individual that may involves politics, profit earning and selfish intention but a matter of making a difference and probably a change out from the usual social problems that we currently have. We may have different views over these, each side may be right but looking on the entire picture, this is not bad at all. And from someone like me who wasnt ever a boxing fan... this is a way of showing my individual willlingnes to acknowledge changes to uplift the country's status and narrow it may be but whether we accept it or not, its making a great impact.

... and so the game has ended with another Filipino standing and the rest of his fellowmen proud and dignified.

WRITER'S COMMENT

Photos are copied from HBO Sports for no commercial intentions. http://www.hbo.com/boxing/

FOUR SEASONS OF LONELINESS

2006-11-13T17:44:00.000Z

It started with a big blast, when the previous year ended with a not-so-good welcoming. I have to loose a very important person in my life. Somebody who taught me how to appreciate things that I have and value myself more than I do... somebody who had a promise of forever and intimate, true friendship. This was a time of realization, of appreciating thing on my own perspective and finding my true value based on self-worth assessment. The year has to begin with a promise of a brand new life, stronger and more independent fightings. This was a SEASON OF LETTING GO.

In the middle of the year, after few months of struggle and consistently striving for a brighter side of life, work became a challenge and health was the main obstacle. A broken ankle, bruised legs, some flu, cardiovascular complication, typhoid fever... name it, my Vacation and Sick Leave benefits were all spent for these misfortunes. My integrity was in question, I wouldnt blame my company if they doubt... these can never happen to someone in a certain period of time but thanks God, there is a thing called the "benefit of the doubt". I have to loose my opportunity to move up for a higher position and only got an unending words of inspiration from my superiors trying to help me make it up and compensate for the lost chances and possible advancement. At least.. keeping my job made me survive the SEASON OF UNDOUBTED MISFORTUNE.

The time of surrender came in early last-half of the year. It was the era of when the "blogger" in me was born. I started writing my blogs... perhaps to talk to myself and repeatedly read back the documented self-help options. It was when I finally met and accepted the weak side of me. I was able to learn out that I wasnt really a strong man of all time but I am a man of reality that I sometimes have to embrace the idea of being the loosing side. Hence, this SEASON OF DEPRESSION made me appreciate the virtue of hope and renewal. I was able to let some negative part of me die and remaining good let me start with a promising continuation.

The year is about to end. My journey is still far halfway. The SEASON OF DETRACTION is currently passing. I am still being challenged by different forces. Frustration is still my worst detractor. My willingness to survive and live the life I used to have is still being compromised. I know, I am liable of my own actions but of course, external factors are beyond my control. Several people came along my way, I saw a great opportunities of attachment but each time frustration and dissapointment interferes. Yet, I pondered... the year indeed is an era of teaching and learning, loosing and winning, falling and uprising, and dying and reviving. This is goin to be the most outrageous moment of my life as the four seasons of loneliness is not just an artistic song composition but a true-to-life drama that can happen to anyone. hehehe.

CHASING FLAMINGO

2006-11-12T04:42:00.000Z

Writing this blog took me more than a month. I know what I wanna write but i dont know how. Ideas were flooding in my mind but it was too many that I always end up with confusion. I wasnt sure if I would end up with a sensible piece for this so I was keeping it in my saved drafts for the longest time. I cannot think of another creative way to present but the idea is about "wanting who I cannot hardly have and hating who are wanting me".

I've been asking this question eversince, why is that the things that you are craving for are so hard to get when those that are abundant within your reach seems not interesting at all. It is a human nature to hardly satisfy his fullfilment. We tend to ask for the simplest thing when along the way we would ask for something better, and end up with aiming for the most and this is becoming a natural cycle. In a brighter light, we call it human nature's longing for continous advancement.

I remember a movie released earlier this year, I guess the last movie I've seen (sorry, im not really a movie fanatic, but im an art patron). It was TRISTAN & ISOLDE - a very traditional, medieval and romeo & juliet type, yet artistically, well-done.

Not mentioning the cinematography and other technical aspect, the story is indeed a true-to-life reflection of our present lives. Tristan have to be rescued by a stranger (Isolde) whom he would attach himself to and vise versa. The union of their souls are challenged by the world around them that they have to sacrifiice their own happiness for the sake of many. If only one is able to fake his feelings and turn it for real, and go for something that wouldnt make himself happy and undoubtedly accept it as if it was his longing... and love someone he doesnt really like and take it as if it is the true love that his soul is wanting - then the world will have to loose at least half of its hurtings and pain.

TIRED OF JAMES BLUNT SONG

2006-11-06T02:24:00.000Z

I first heard James Blunt with his single "Your'e Beautiful". Sophisticated, sexy and artistically done, the song got a different style. It went with Daniel Powter's hit single "Bad Day", another new taste and unique style. Since then, new singles came in the airwaives like "Cry", "Goodbye My Lover", "Tears and Rain", "Three Wisemen" and other hits (not just yet).

Blunt's music is a reflection of himself. True-to-life, experience-based creations that at least half of the world's population can relate with, and I'm not excluding myself. He once was a Buckingham Soldier, went into the wars and probably experienced life's bitter taste.. this is according to a trivia but I never had a chance to authenticate the fact.

Obviously I got this strong inclination towards his art. It deeply penetrates my soul whenever I would hear it playing, strangely weird because I didnt have the chance to see James Blunt's face as of this time. I started creating photo-slide videos with his song rendition with "Cry" to background my heart-freaking ;-) poem " Ode to my Heart" followed by his "Goodbye My Lover" to accompany my first-ever literary composed "My Crime" and recently, got tired of sounding too melancholic and oppressed with my poem "Reclusion" featuring "Tears and Rain".

All done for art's sake... regardless of the truth that it was entirely a correlation of my emotional state and way to express the unspoken, unheard, unexplained and misunderstood side of me. Tiring it may seems in the end but in the long run, his art is more than its aesthetic function but a therapy and ticket to a revival of a lost soul.

Here is the video rendition of "Reclusion"

KIDROCK IN ME

2006-10-08T03:03:00.000+01:00

This is the song of my life, at this very moment so far, the time when I came to my weakest, helpless stage. I am no celebrity as Kidrock, but I am on my own way as every line of this song applies to me. Sing with me... feel the pain. You might never know... your own life's song may have the same melody.

_________________________________________________

ONLY GOD KNOWS WHY

I've been sittin here, tryin to find myself
I get behind myself, I need to rewind myself
Lookin for the payback, listen for the playback
They say that every man bleeds just like me

And I feel like number one, yet I'm last in line
I watch my youngest son, and it helps to pass the time
I take too many pills it helps to ease the pain
I made a couple of dollar bills, but still I feel the same

Everybody knows my name, they say it way out loud
A lot of folks fuck with me, it's hard to hang out in crowds

I guess that's the price you pay, to be some big shot like I am
Out strecthed hands and one night stands, still I can't find love

And when your walls come tumbling down, I will always be around

Yeah
As it...hey - And when your walls come tumbling down, I will always be around

People don't know about the things I say and do
They don't understand about the shit that I've been through
It's been so long since I've been home, I've been gone, I've been gone for way too long
Maybe I forgot all things I miss, oh somehow I know there's more to life than this

I said it too many times, and I still stand firm
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve
Still I ain't seen mine, no I ain't seen mine
I've been giving just ain't been gettin, I've been walking that there line
So I think I'll keep a walking, With my head held high
I'll keep moving on and only God knows why

Only God... Only God
Only God knows why, why, why, why
Only God...knows...why, why, why
Only God knows why
Take me to the river edge
Take me to the river, hey hey hey

CALL CENTER BLOOPERS (copied from another blog)

2006-10-08T01:44:00.000+01:00

favorite line#1: "thank you for calling so much" (so much jud, daghan na kaayong thank you na bai.)

favorite line #2: "thank you so much for calling to you"bwahahhaah!)

favorite line #3: "i'm breaking up on you,too" ( uuuuy! boyfriend-girlfriend mo?)

favorite line #4: well first, can i have your first and last name first?...ok for that one...you first have to save an itinerary first... ( this guy's favorite word must be "first')

favorite line #5: "the passenger has to die first before you will get a refund" (hihihi ayus!)

favorite line #6: "for this one you have to sign up first before you have to be signed up,ok?"(obviously kana ang meaning intawon!)

favorite line #7: "i can see that this is an unreserved reservation"

favorite line #8: "the sign up process is very free " you mean there are sign-up processes that are slightly free or half-free?"

favorite line #9: "how age is your son?"(hahahahaha! hala sigi paningkamut ug maayo!)

favorite line #10: "do you have a pen and a ballpen?" (how about a pencil? do i need to have it,too? )

favorite line #11: "please bring a government photo issued id" (laluma sa english uy!)

favorite line #12: "could you repeat that again,please?"

favorite line #13:" because actually you need to actually sign up for an account first"( murag artista ba..actually..)

favorite line #14: "that is eastern pacific time" (buot buot kag time zone doh!)

favorite line #15: "can i have your sine in and location pless..." (asa na ang american accent training?)

favorite line #16: "to activate your card, please tell me your expiration date!" (sus! taningan ba ang kustumer)

favorite line #17: (for an opening line..) "thank you so much for that information... "(yeah right! the caller hasn't even said anything yet!)

favorite line #18: ( a call during Christmas day,an agent had this for a closing remark! ) "Thank you for calling and happy halloween!" (YIKES! i don't think Santa is gonna give you presents for this:( )

favorite line #19: "have a...have a...have a... have a happy holiday!"

favorite line #20: "have a...have a...have a...have a happy day!" (trying to find for a better adjective for a day,huh?)

favorite line #22: "would you like to reserve this for january nine or january tane?" (uhuh! american accent training!)

favorite line #23: "well,it defends..." (i repeat! american accent training!)

favorite line #24: (new dead air verbiage!)" if i don't hear from you within 5 minutes, i'm afraid i will have to release this call..."(you're willing to wait that long?)

favorite line #25: "i'm sorry i can't seem to access your account. are you sure you're already a passenger of expedia.com?" (the passenger is calling to purchase a flight meaning he is not yet a
passenger!!!! for heaven's sake!)

favorite line #26:" i'm sorry but my supervisor is having a conversation right now..."( conversation jud? )

favorite line #27: "ok you will be leaving 9am in the morning" ( wait lang! karon pa ko! is there a 9pm in the morning? )

favorite line #28: "would you want to add 1 children for this itinerary?" ( 1 children?! )

favorite line #29:" thank you for calling, Mr. coupon" (pwede diay ta makabunyag og passenger?)

favorite line #30: "how many passengers will be staying in the room?" ( uy! flying hotel room? )

favorite line #31: "i'll just tell him nalang!" ( karon pa ko! international language na diay ang tagalog!)

favorite line #32: "ok for that one let me verify with my computer...according to my computer..." ( i would love to get that computer...what brand?)

favorite line #33: "if i don't see you within 5 seconds, i'm afraid...".( my goodness! we are in the philippines . how on earth can the caller be here for you to see him in 5 seconds?!)

favorite line #34: (passenger shouting on the other line) "sige..sige...sige..."

favorite line #35: "would you like to add and attractions and services for this one? "( asa dapita sa purchase path ang "and attractions and services'? wa lagi ko kita ani?)

favorite line #36: "what i can offer you is a one times courtesy void "( naay two times? )

favorite line #37: "let me just walk you to the set-up "(mura man walk you to the door...kimpang ang caller? asa na dapita ang set-up?)

favorite line #38: "i'm sorry but there is something wrong with the airplane..."( passenger: what? my flight will still be in two months!)

favorite line #39:" i need to verify this one so let me just hold you for a while,ok?" (uy! very sweet na agent!)

favorite line #40: "i'm sorry but because of the queue that we are having, i'm afraid my supervisor is taking a call right now.. "(passenger asks how many calls are waiting?) "we are actually having 59 calls on queue..." (sus! giduka na gali ang uban kay walay calls!)

WEANING, CRYING & A LESSON LEARNED

2006-10-01T06:01:00.000+01:00

Two hours after their plane departed, I finished reading “Ten Days to Zero” by Bernard Ashley. It took me three days to complete the reading as electricity went down for two days after the typhoon hit Manila. Telephone lines were cut and no water supply came as the worst. I simply wanted to keep myself busy, as always, and that time when I even got no cellular phone to use for texting. I wanted to have a busy mind. Few days before, Mom and Dad were too busy preparing some stuff as they’re bound to United Kingdom for the next few months, longer enough, considering that we never got parted ever since. I knew days would be different as to no one’s going to wake me up each time, cook for my food, wash my clothes, and simply do things for me. I couldn’t careless; after all, I still have my own issues… things that they are aware of.

Two hours after I’m done reading, I cried. Suddenly I felt our house was entirely empty. Most of the time, I usually spend time myself alone in my room and wanting to talk to no one, I and my parents are used to it. Few hours ago, we were rushing at the airport, went home and everything were normal. I didn’t feel anything sad or emotional. That time was different. It was unusual. I felt alone. I tried to hold back my tears.

Two hours after, I realized one of the most important lessons learned ever. The love that I was searching for was just next to me. I was wrong when I thought my life went in waste for amongst the people I cared, loved and valued for, nobody did in return. I didn’t get to show my care to the people who truly heeded and carried me when I was in a difficult situation. My parents who were always with me is the greatest love of my life and I was wrong to think that they are rather a responsible of my existence than affection beyond duty. (UNFINISHED/UNEDITED)

OUR LADY OF THE INTERNET

2006-09-24T14:32:00.000+01:00

: hi
> ASL?
: 26/F/phils
> Where in the Phils?
: Manila.
> Kewl.

The conversation started with broken phrases, a kind of conversation that saves from boredom. From a small corner of my dull room, a table rack with a monitor, speakers, keyboard, ash tray and small lamp on it, I take time to stare out of the window to see and intermingle with the whole world. It was an ordinary, boring late afternoon. I forgot what day it was but for sure. It wasn’t a weekend.

Along with three more chat mates, she exchanged thoughts with me, solely about me being depressed and her being able to help and extend friendship. I find this too stereotyped. Same with me, people like her would stay online to waste time and merge with the cyber world.

I remember my college days when my classmate introduced me to chatting. Internet was expensive and limited then. Very few people owned a computer in their home. My college mate had to teach me how to go online to meet people to work on our project. It was a thesis about online prostitution with chatting as a medium and I later found it out as the latest medium to communicate to different people from different places for different purposes. Since then, I regarded online engagement as one of the best way to spend time without too much cost.

A typical day for me is a regular working day that starts at night when everyone is about to end their day respectively, and after a long hours of work, when I get home, I would turn my pc right away, play mp3 files and go online until I loose my energy and fall asleep.

I would spend a lot of time in front of my computer longer than the usual since I was on leave for two weeks at that time. I was in my weakest condition, I was unreceptive to everything around me, the moment that I wished to die has passed but I wasn’t really feeling ready to go out and expose myself to other new challenges. My computer was my life and the net was my universe. There I had my own world; I belong to a society, a culture of convergence behind concealment where I can be myself, be somebody else and be with people who do the same as I do. I cannot live without my computer, with internet connection of course.

My days with her went no ordinary day. Aside from staying online more than the usual, I often have her preaching on me, sharing her thoughts, trying to reach out for me, showing me how wonderful life I have and world I am into. These are unordinary stuff. I usually don’t spend time listening to quotes and words of inspirations. I find it too boring; after all, I perfectly knew all these. It’s her. It’s all because of her. I see a little difference. My friends do the same. I heard almost hundred times the same bits of info. They consistently kept me holding on the good things that I have. They never failed on reminding me how smart, talented, witty and enthusiastic guy I am. They never mentioned I am good-looking though but she did. He-he-he. But it’s not that. She religiously listened to me. I know she understood me, she acknowledged my anguish, and she sympathized with me. She extended herself to me and I felt her comfort, things that I don’t get from my friends. I cannot blame them for they knew me as a funny man, someone who seems to have no problems at all. I would always want to talk to her. I knew my days won’t be complete without her. I don’t know, but hell, I think I’m in love.

Being single for nearly two years now, I am longing to have someone that I could be with intimately. Someone that I could talk to at the end of each tiring days, someone that I know will always be there for me, someone that I could love and could love me back. I know it’s her. I want to get well for her.

She was an image of an angel. A typical chinita with skinny body built, skinny that looks perfectly sexy. Her lips’ like a pale cherry, her hair is silky long black. Her getup is as simple as an innocent fella, never been kissed, never been touched. I see her as a perfect mother of my kids. My mom would always tease me of her longing for grandchildren of my courtesy. Too advanced, but I was just daydreaming to regard her as my spouse. I wanted her to be with me for the rest of my life. It was quite a short period of time; the usual stranger went out to be one of the most important people in my life, a stranger who made me see the wonders in me, somebody who gave me enough reason to live my dying life. She was the one who simply opened my eyes to the world of possibilities and new beginnings, she who reconstructed my dilapidating constitution. Everything happened in the cyber space.

We finally set the date to meet up. I was so excited to see the woman of my dream. After a long time of waiting and of being alone, once again, my life would be filled with dreams and hopes. My path will be cleared towards the end to my long awaited journey. I know I will be happy again. I went out ready to fight once more. This time stronger, renewed. Finally, I am going to kiss my lovely redeemer.

It was an ordinary day with her; I was just counting the days. I can hardly explain my excitement to see her, my longing to touch my angel. This time she sounded estranged. Sharing a limited conversation I didn’t notice her until she burst out the bomb that shook my body deep into my soul that I felt diluvia has just fell upon me.

She is not going to meet me anymore. My angel will remain as an image of fantasy, in the world of cyberspace where impossible is nothing, where everyone could be anyone he or she wishes to be. My seraph that got me out from darkness will be a guiding light from above that can be seen but can never be touched. My lady in shining armor will remain as a legend whose legacy will live until the last day of my life, her inspiration that lit my dying candle will continue to keep the flame burning to continually enlighten my soul. Truly the world of internet is a vast dimension of inventiveness. It can easily change your life and virtually alter your state of mind.

With her, I was able to learn about the positive things in my life. I was able to see that I am a lucky person compared to other remaining millions of individual scattered all over the planet. I have my friends who never left me when I was in my most troublesome scenario. I have a job that fuels up my needs and wants. I have my siblings that support my endeavor, my dad who gives me strength to face life with confidence and teach me how to be a good father and provider; and most especially my mom who loves me so much that she has to go with the process of learning the modern technology of the cyberspace and be an angel impostor to chat with me and help me deal with my crisis.

: hi
> ASL?
: 62/F/phils
> Oh! Wow! How can I help?
: Help urself.

BETA CAROTENE FOR THE SOUL

2006-09-23T17:13:00.000+01:00

When I was young, I rarely get sick. Only simple colds, fevers that happen once in a blue moon and not forgetting some wounds and cuts from a well-lived witty childhood, were my complications. I can count the times when I got some digestive problems due to food contamination and a very odd cardiovascular condition wherein I often get speedy palpitation with an average of 190 bpm, which I don’t consider a serious illness after undergoing a series of ECG, 2D Echo and other cardio tests without any certain diagnosis. I got divirginized at the age of nineteen when I was hospitalized due to stage 2 dengue hemorrhagic fever, as it was the first time I got my hands penetrated by a giant needle for dextrose and some blood transfusion. Life seems perfect but it isn’t so. I may be provided with supplements to make my body resistant to diseases but life won’t be complete without it. I remember a television commercial for a bottled water, I’m not even sure if these are the right wordings but it says “In a perfect world, there are no bacteria, germs that causes illness”. I would buy that product in tons if that’s true, for a perfect world really contains impurities we usually call, imperfections. Just like supplements that make us defiant to diseases, attitude helps defend against failures and life’s impediments.

I am reminded of an article I read about an anti oxidant that is commonly found in yellow and orange fruits and vegetables that appears to protect the body from damaging molecules called free radicals. It helps fight certain chronic illnesses such as heart attack and cancer. It is usually associated with a vitamin that’s good for the eye and promotes decreased sensitivity to the sun’s harmful rays.

When we see life as a vast ocean of darkness, we seek the brighter side of it. When we experience quandary, we tend to counteract with a positive attitude. It helps us see the entire scenario as a manageable fight. Similar to taking in some supplements to make our body stronger and resistant, positive outlook helps us survive and overcome challenges in life. During the times that we are unable to see things clear, when we are exposed to many untoward situations, when we are susceptible and helpless, all we need is a great dose of the element that could help us keep going and recover for possible damages. It would protect us from life’s free radicals such as frustrations, negative thoughts, hopelessness and apathy. When we are into confusion, it would help us have a clearer vision on the things that we usually overlook especially when we are close-minded and blinded by self-pity and skepticism. It makes us less receptive against pain due to intolerance and biases. And as these substances supply the fruits and vegetables its yellow coloring, positive outlook provides a clearer, sound and bright manifestation of one’s life.

MULTIPLE RAPE COUNT: CASE 101 - DEPRESSIVE DISORDER

2006-09-22T02:24:00.000+01:00

Depression is a state of mind wherein an individual suffers psychological pain causing anxiety, weariness and loss of will to survive. According to some studies, it’s getting one of the most common illnesses in well-developed and industrialized countries. Its invisibility makes depression one of the most ignored disorders at least in nearly all cases.

True stories revealed that many famous figures disintegrated due to unknown and/or unpublished reasons and depression may be one of it. A movie star vanished at the peak of her career and showed up a decade after claiming that she went into drug rehabilitation. Another public figure found dead after jumping out from the window of his condominium unit. These are few of one hundred-one stories that were never given enough attention and treated like normal incidents. Drug addiction is one of the visible effects of depression and the worst, suicide.

Depression is a feeling of insecurity, fear and pessimism. Setting aside the scientific and medical definition, it is an honest, self-confessed and experience-based description that I was able to formulate.

Many people believe it as a simple state of mind wherein an individual experiences aggravation and feeling of negativity that can be resolved simply by facing the problem, analyzing the circumstances, implying best solutions and continuously pushing to recover the situation. Some people say it could be overcome by thinking about things confidently.

Have a positive thinking and open your mind. Help yourself. Be ready for more failures to come and be happy to deal with it. Never entertain any feeling of sadness and hopelessness. Do not expect much from life. Keep on going and simply be happy. These are only few of the thoughts that others suggests, true and very objective yet difficult to execute.

An individual can choose to be happy or not as they say but I hardly agree. Choices are different from options. You can always take an option but you may not be happy about it leaving you no choice. On the other hand, a choice is something that you want and could make you completely fulfilled. It’s similar to the difference between choosing what makes you happy against what is right, congruent to the disparity between satisfaction and fulfillment.

Nobody could understand depression better unless you are a victim yourself. It is a feeling of being raped in which you think positively that a single shower could take all the dirt off and then get raped again and again and again regardless of your sense of optimism and willingness to strive for survival. You don’t choose to be raped but it did happen. You think about it positively by forgetting about the incident and heading to live normally as it is. Then you got raped again, stood up once more and lived life, this time with caution and got raped again. If you are one of the people who view things like the above-mentioned, how would you be able to handle yourself then? Would you still be positive and willing to experience the same dilemma? Or would you rather care not at all and let it pass regardless of how many times you will be victimized until you let yourself turned into a whore -like personality who’s immunized over nonstop assaults? Life sometimes suffer a continuous act of rape where failure and frustration comes simultaneously over a longer period of time and this is what I call, the Age of Depression.

POST MORTEM

2006-09-21T06:36:00.000+01:00

Tonight is my night. It’s the best time of my day. Perhaps the last day of my life, a life that’s full of pain, anxiety and glum. Tonight I will come out of my bed and face the world outside, my life has to end.

Tonight is the moment to linger on my throbbing and on the days of my belligerence against life’s imperfections. I would close my eyes for the last time to see my life in a flash. Tears would come out to purify each moment and to let the pain out so the world could see the long-kept melancholy.

Tonight im going to have my last smile, to remember the people who held my hands to keep myself standing whenever I would tend to fall down. The people who gave me inspiration to keep myself fighting, the ones who listened to my crying and to those who loved me when I was unable do the same.

Tonight will be my last breathe to let go of my worries for it’s the most awaited instance when I could let go of my gasp, to let myself free and vanish completely.

Tonight I fear no pain; I discovered the virtue of immunity. I fear no failure as I learned about the way to a second chance. I fear no loneliness, myself is my ceaseless companion. I fear no dark, for I know at the other side of the earth is a light that is about to shine on me. I fear no death, for it promises a brand new life.

MORTAL REVOLUTION

2006-09-20T04:43:00.000+01:00

Carbon monoxide filled lungs, saggy eye bags, enlarged tummy, blackened lips due to excessive smoking, overlapping mustache, distorted mind – that's all I have now. I suddenly became a picture of a monstrous creature everyone used to hate in the past few days. I myself even hated me. I wish I’m dead.

Suddenly I wanted to end my life. I don’t know why. I’m just tired. I think of no future, everything went non-sense. I woke up one night, I was about to start my day but I don’t want to get up from bed. I see a huge machine in front of me, giant wheels, a typical industrial setup that seems operational for the longest time. I am a part of the machine, I got no choice. I need to keep myself going. I wanted to stop and let the whole process eat me up until I get myself ground into pieces and disappear in an instant. I wish ending my life could be as simple and fast as this.

It was a night of distress, my smoky room was dark. Music from my pc played so loud. The scent of some beer and burn cigarette filled the air. First time in my life, I’m going to be free. Free from boulders of unending thoughts and worries about what my life is going to be, what is going to happen if I fail to carry out my usual routine, what’s in store in the next payday? I am not happy anymore. My life seems like a great waste. I don’t care; I don’t want to think about it anymore. I will sleep and dream to be in an isolated far island. Lie down and think of no tomorrow, no work to do, no bills to pay, nothing at all. I wish to wake up no more.

The door quietly opened as the beam from outside came in following a shadow of an obviously familiar figure. I was aware but I didn’t do anything. Few seconds passed, he broke up the silence, I was expecting him. It was ten thirty; I was supposed to be leaving for work. He usually prepares my dinner and things needed for my shower. I didn’t exactly heard what he asked but I knew I understood him, I said I’m not going to work that time. That was supposed to be simple as it was but he stayed. I ignored him.

The very odd conversation started, I never had such in my whole life. I got a heart to heart talk with a person who was an image of strength and power in my whole twenty four years of living. Finally, I was able to say to him;

“I wanted to end my life. I don’t know why. I’m just tired. I think of no future, everything went non-sense. I woke up one night, I was about to start my day but I don’t want to get up from bed. I see a huge machine in front of me, giant wheels, a typical industrial setup that seems operational for the longest time. I am a part of the machine, I got no choice. I need to keep myself going. I wanted to stop and let the whole process eat me up until I get myself ground into pieces and disappear in an instant. I wish ending my life could be as simple and fast as this.”

My dad was speechless. I’m not sure if he was expecting it but it was much of a comfort that I felt, he understood me. I saw in his eyes, he was saying “I wish I could do something to help you out.”

He said I am a figure of a strong man. A dream came true when he did in his mid- thirty’s. Two big guys were born in his dream. When I grew up, I didn’t grow as big as he is. I am a small guy with big dreams, strong will and definite sense of direction. I know I was. I don’t know if I will be. My dad still believed in me.

I suddenly wanted to be strong again, to keep my life going and fight to survive – but I still wanted to die. I would always fear death for I’m afraid to leave people I love. But that night, was the perfect time to die. It was the best time to die, when you care for nobody and nobody cares for you existence. I love my Dad but he knows what I feel and understands me perfectly. My chest suddenly went in pain. It was a part of feeling free; it was my chance to cry as my eyes went watery. Unfortunately I didn’t. I will never ever forget the moment.

I AM NOT WHAT I AM

2006-09-19T18:14:00.000+01:00

I am what I am, yet I guess Im not. I smile and laugh but I bleed inside. I know Im strong but in fact Im weak. Im a wonderful person yet I dont have a life.

Ive been all myself but i seemed not, for they hardly believe me at all. My willingness to love is not visible as my tendency to hurt. Im true but indeed unbelievable. My reality is in my dream... my life is brilliant but not worth living for. I am always true and I am not what I am.

RECLUSION

2006-09-19T18:13:00.000+01:00

Under my bed I slept. Underneath I found peace, free from turbulence and safe from harm. I would be protected and my pain would not be seen. Down there I stayed until I would decide to be happy again.

Under my bed I went out, once again I felt free.My grasping hands loosened up, Im ready to satisfy my instinct to love again.
The world outside was too bright; courageous my heart is, yet my eyes could not bear the blinding light. Tears came out and it hurt. I wish I stayed down my haven.

You lent me a hand to hold and a shoulder to cry on. You stood by me and provided me comfort. Under the bed was my haven, Above it i found you, my fortress.

Tonight i sleep, with you in my mind. My fears are gone -- i am no longer alone. Under my bed i find refuge, above it I find serenity with you. this time, I know, I will be happy again.

ODE TO MY HEART

2006-09-19T17:51:00.000+01:00

Goodbye my lonely heart, restless in the storm
your wounds were never healed, your blood was drenched by time
the never-ending pain immuned your veins,
your beating stopped as you waited in vain

... still, nobody knew your existence.

Goodbye my heart, the world was mean
so much intolerance, so much neglect
hence, you were unwearied, you tried to reach out
you are divine but still a mortal

Goodbye my martyr, you didn't survive the pain
your battle may not be triumphant but you were never a looser
victorious you may not be, but you were never conquered
your sorrow was never gone away but glory is upon you

Goodbye my abandoned heart, your end has come
your purpose was unsatisfied no matter how you sacrificed
you were a great performer and you wished to play in eternal
and even sad songs have endings no matter how you keep playing

Goodbye my heart, farewell my solace
time to let you go, time to end the misery
may you rest in stillness, in the unending serenity
you were forgotten and you were deserted
now I'll let you respite as one is worthy of you no more

When you get there, forget me not
remember me, your beloved companion
now will be alone, will be incensate...
will yeild in emptiness and in incessant shadows

Goodbye my heart, may you find hope
may God hear you sing so I could start to cry,
may you see the light so I could love once more
perhaps in another life, when we meet again.

WRITER'S COMMENT

This is the most heart-pounding poem I have ever written. Every line is a reflection of the pain. It may seems like too much of a self-pitiness but I'd rather say, self-assessment againts the whole world. The video version is the unedited, still typos and grammatic errors were noted.

MY CRIME

2006-09-19T17:28:00.000+01:00

You're gone now but the memories will be forever, as you touched my life like no one has ever did.
You came when i was in my weakest, when my world turned around, when my sky was murky, when darkness fell upon me.
You lit my way and got me out from the dark. I was in a journey to search my way back home, like a little child lost in the forest. You comforted and strengthened me.You powered my bended sword, flamed my torch and nursed my wounded heart.

The world began to move, the sun began to shine. The rain you brought gave life to shrubbery, the breeze kissed my face as you breathe. You sang my song and your voice gave life to my music, the rhythm continued then my dancing went in tune. The poetry has gotten important meaning as you deciphered it with me.

Life became momentous as I kept myself going. The feeling's unspoken, the situation's undefined. The act loudly shouted as we whisper each name. You stroked my heart and the bleeding stopped.

The night has passed and the dream went over, the illusion has gone and I came to realize, the crime I committed is taking you away from me.

My passion is strong more than myself could ever stand. My heart speaks louder as my mind humbly conforms. I am foolish and stupid to play the game I scarcely know.
Now that you're gone, my world suddenly bunged. The music you play became a pain to my ears. My breathing stops whenever I see you face, your smile is now a knife that cuts my heart into pieces.

The sentence was read and the judgment was inflicted. The torment started, my chastisement is accepted. I could take all the hardship in this world to pay the crime off, to get rid of the guilt and to penalize my blunder.
I take all the blame as I innocently sinned, that even in another life or whenever, I know, I'll still fall in love with you, my best friend.

WRITER'S COMMENT

MY CRIME is the very first poem I wrote in August, 2005. Edited by colleague Cherrylie Abelardo. James Blunt song "You're Beautiful" came out in November of the same year with his album "Back to Bedlam" including the single "Goodbye My Lover" which became an inspiration of the video featuring the poem. The video is the unedited version with typo and grammar errors.

The poem was inspired by my bestfriend who happend to be no one now. It was a great expression of my grief and dissapointment that I have to say it that way recovering the poet in me.