BEATING THE HOMESICKNESS

I long to be home. All of a sudden my life has changed. I’ve got a brand new view ahead of me. I contend with different faces everyday, I do things that I don’t usually do, I sleep not on my own bed. And in the morning, I open my eyes with a scene different from I usually wake up with. I’m back to finding myself. I started to begin a new life.
I’m back to meeting the new me. Everything seems different. Yesterday seems like a distant past, I hardly remember the details of what the other day was. My previous endeavors seems useless to be counted off, my old plans look like not gonna work. I’m totally clueless on how to handle myself, being dependent on what’s goin to happen next. I don’t want to motivate myself but I deeply know I need to keep going. I have no idea about what tomorrow’s gonna be. I think I left myself at home.

I used to worry about life. I plan a lot. I care to make everything in place. Perfect. This is all I wanted to make my life. I’ve got too many problems, too many things to worry about, too many things to be tired of, too many complications… but now I think these are all making my life normal. And now that these are gone, I am in a limbo.

I wanted my old life. I miss my parents who were there to stop me from smoking all the time that whenever I get home from work served as my stress reliever. I miss the people around the house that no matter how noisy and disordered were making my day complete. I long to have my old phone and text all day. I miss my dogs, my old stuff, the usual lousy TV shows, my pc… I miss to sleep on my bed. I long to be home. I know I wanted to have this opportunity and I will be better… but nothing could be worst than being far away from home and got nothing but wishful thinking about what was left.

SYMPTOMS OF A BROKEN HEART

Watery eyes with tears difficulty comin out..
..holding the breath to stop the suffocation.
Each heart beat cause exhaustion.
You feel your head is on the ground.
Mind’s miles away.
Blank face makes impassive expression.
Seeing the world around when you know eyes are closed
You are alive but you feel like you’re six-feet under
Stomach stirring up, nerves are breaking.
Blood run miles per second, heart pounding a million times
Soul’s in comatose, brain’s dead
A feeling of bloodless wounds... extreme pain, no incision, no laseration.
Air goes by a hole in the chest and vital signs alright.
No medical explanation, existent since ancient times.

Wishing you're dead but life goes on.

UNDERSTANDING LOVE

Love has many faces. It depends on who is involved. There are no ideals. There is no explicit meaning. It is slanted on whoever the subjects are. Love is indefinite.

People often search for true love but they don’t know how to differentiate the one from false ones. They say love is blind but they don’t know mind works another way from the heart. It’s the mind that negates the right from wrong when the heart is responsible on what makes one happy or not. Love sometimes makes the fool out of one’s mind and permissive on heart’s impulses thus making it blind. In the case of a hopeless romantic, one searches for true love in whatever form just to have somebody physically present to be called “love one”. On the contrary, we often set standards in finding our partners and put imaginary characters on someone that we like to have the person fit on the ideals that we set. We please ourselves by putting our expectations over the person and get disappointed when the latter reveals himself in time.

Love can be in many forms. A lust inspired love is the most common. Involved parties go together because they satisfy sexual needs and fantasies of each other. A couple stays together when both are sexually efficient and interesting. Love is present when sexual attraction is alive on both ends.

Another visage of love is companionship. Human nature is way far from being alone. Sometimes we love a person because we need them to be with us in times of problems, hardships and challenges as we don’t want to be single-handed. They say penguins spend half of their lives searching for their partners and spend the rest of it with them. How about humans? Everyday is an opportunity to be with many individuals.

Sometimes we hear a person say “I love you because you are what you are” and this is basically all about the persons understanding and knowledge about the subject. What if the opposite party changed?

Love is a mutual lifetime commitment and the ultimate point of individuality.

Finding true love is finding oneself as loving someone means loving yourselves first. We shouldn’t aim to be loved when we vaguely know our self-worth. We don’t find our partners to fulfill our needs but we search for someone to rest with, with everything we have and everything we are. Find yourself and love will find you.

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WRITER'S COMMENT

This blog entry is written for a very special friend who's love and life became an inspiration to me. I am extremely delighted of her trust and friendship.