TESTIMONIALS

Carl Posted 8/11/2003 on Friendster
This guy rocks!I mean, he's the kindof person wHo will conquer his dreams and aspirations. he's not afraid of life's miseries and treats it as a point of improvement. He is the dependable one and most of all the Matinee Idol of the sprint Program. Seriously speaking, teddy is the kind of person who will reach out just to help you - specially when you are in need. This guy is instrumountable, terrific and always up to the latest trends in fashion and music. One positive trait of this guy is that he is very idealistic - he knows what he's fighting for and that is something we all admire in this guy.GO TED!

Chy Posted 7/11/2003 on Friendster
A guy who speaks his mind out. A few conversations shared with him and right away we got along with each other. There are so many sides in his personality that will really amaze you.Though he may not know why im truly grateful for having him as a friend...im just thankful that he is. Miss you Teddy. See you around. :)

Chy Posted 20/3/2004 on Friendster
Si Teddy? Naku he's a stone cut into different facets. Artist kasi. You can talk about everything and anything with him. My protector - nag-ala knight in shining armor ko at one point of my life. He's a really good friend. Masayang kausap. Basta proud ako naging friend ko sya. Miss the chikahan Teddy.C u around! Mwah-mwah-mwah!

Armida Posted 7/11/2003 on Friendster
This person is really one of the most adorable persons I've seen in my entire life. He's also the person being so serious when it comes to reviewing for the exams. Grabbbeee... andami daw kaya niyang na ingganyo sa pagrereview sa amspeak class namin and mind you, it turned out good for we all passed. What more can I say? everybody loves him.Teka, do you know whom I am refferring to? Si teddy ba ang tinatanong niyo?naku! sorry kasi akala ko yung isa ko pang classmate si Teddy boy pala eh, ibang usapan na yan pag si Teddy na.(joke..Joke..Joke)he.he.he.. Well, to our darling Teddy, goodluck!

Kc Posted 6/11/2003 on Friendster
Si pareng Teddy di na kami magka iba niyan!!! Pareho na kaming nasundot nung medical!!! Yahooo!!! Sakit!!! (Sharap mag red horshhhh!!!!)

Jeffrey Posted 25/2/2004 on Friendster
Teddy is a guy that who have lots of sense of humor. Sa sobrang dami ng sense of humor niya, minsan nakakapikon na. Hehehe, but this guy is serious when it comes to work. He exudes professionalism though sometimes sobrnag tigas ng ulo. Hahahaha, taliwas yan sa tama eh. He's my partner sa team kaya lagi akong inaasar. Though one time napikon me, pero that;s okay..Hehehe, thanks for the testi, sira ka talaga. And thanks for the funny moments dude... Happy??? hehehe...

Dessa Posted 22/2/2004 on Friendster
C Teddy b kamo? Well...pag sya kausapmo e para ka narin nanood ng "EDUCATIONAL SHOW" sa dame ng point of view nya sa lahat ng bagay lalo nasa "S"!Sa sobra pang kulit eh imposible na makatulog ka sa work lalo na pag nag-access sya ng ibang website! Talagang mapapalingon ka!!! Kidding aside, its fun to hang around w/ him & the rest of Jojo & Chris. Feel mo, one of the boys ka na ren!!!

NeNeJoY Posted 22/2/2004 on Friendster
EEUGUEE!!!! that's what we call him kase isa syang bear! as in teddy the bear! hehehe! makulit, makulit at makulit. actually para syang bata although talagang bata pa daw sya...pero ang weird! kase kung bata pa syabaket sya napapanot?! bwehehehehe! sobrang mang-asar to! buti na lang di pa sya nasasapak dahil sa kakulitan! although madalas nabubugbog namen sya. pag kasama mo tong hayop na to(kase ngabear sya) magiging masaya ka!promise!!! okay serious na... i've known this guy for almost 4 months na and i can say na he's a great friend...kase daw me nagsabi na mataray ako pero you know what?! pinagtanggol nya ko! thanks ha! kahit ganyan ka pala me nagagawa kang tama! hehehehe! thanks for all the fun memories na nagawa mo! ganyan ka na lang lagi ha! kase mas tanggap namen kahit sabihin pa nilang mukha kang abnormal! =)

'kot' Posted 19/2/2004 on Friendster
si teddy,ka amspeak ko to and ka product! dko gus2 grp ni2 dti kc puro smokers, kala ko mayabang plibhasa kc mbango kya amoy myaman(jowk..eehehehhe), i nvr thot that they'd all be my 1st and best brkda in this business. mbait to, minsan thimik-yoko pag thimik to kc nayayabangan me!:)..dko makakalimutan the time when he sang 'passenger seat' as a punishment sa isang game during our amspeak..ehehhehehe! me cute effect paun ha!nyways miss ko na to kc minsan lng kmi magkta,me utang pko d2-dko panarecopy ung pix na bbgay ko syo-sori msydo bc no time pa eh!bt don't wori i'll keep that promise! matalino to, malambing, mausok-dhil sa yosiboy to! and one of our richkids!:)..mis yah teddy,Godbless yah always!
sHaRoN Posted 2/1/2004 on Friendster
C Ding? insan ko yan... hindi na kami nasanay na tawagin yang TEDDY. Mabait yan,mejo quiet pero makulit din. We thought before na hindi yan totoong lalake... malamya at mahinhin kase nung mga bata pa kami. Pero look at him now,super gwapo (insan, may kapalit to...ahem!). I heard maraming chikas ang humahabol jan... siguro kung di ko yan insan, crush ko yan (hehe! joke). Insan, pakabait ka ha? Inform mo ko pag ikakasal ka na, i have to be there on your wedding day. Nga pala, hindi talaga tayo mag kasing-age. You have to admit na you're 5 years older than me...matanda ka na talaga... so grow up! Luv you insan! *Mwah*

joceLyN Posted 6/3/2004 on Friendster
Naku po...si teddy..pic na pic pa lang comedian nah....hahahhaha This guy is one of the coolest guy na nakilala ko.....pinakamakulit...sa lahat ng makulit...(sabay tingin sa picture) hahahha...isa sa mga sunog baga ng teletech..kahit kalbo yan cute naman wasussssssss.........peace tayo huh,teddy....sayawan kita ng pamela one para lagi kang matatwa..ang kulit mo kasing tumawa parang wala ng bukas....kidding aside sobran gcool...as in coolot netong guy na toh...kala ko hirap kausap nyan pero nung naka jammin na namin sa yosihan ayun na lumabas na ang kakulitan nya...ano ba yan la na kong masabi kundi makulit ka....newei stay cool andf riends for life (kailangan pa bang kabisaduhin nyan)...mwah..

Christian Posted 1/3/2004 on Friendster
this guy here is a str8 up babaero.daming chicks nito ha. sa kwento ngalang (jokes). yeah, in ohana, we call him the king of resolution. he cud resolve practically anything from delays to whatever. this guy is the man. so if you're having any problems with anything, this dude is the person to turn to.

Ana Posted 29/2/2004 on Friendster
Si Teddy ang pinakasira-ulong nakilalako sa Sprint:-) he,he, pero isa din sa pinaka magagalin!dami niyan resolved cases. alam n'yo kung bakit? dahil nahuhulaan n'ya kung maco-confirm na ang isang case o hindi. pa'no? ay, check his head out!:-0 BA,BE,BI,BO,BUUUUUU!!! ay, bolang crystal! Anyways, kahit lagi ko 'yan inaasar e' mahal ko 'yang taong 'yan! o ayan, TAO HA! hindi HAYOP! TAOOOO!!!! wala kasing dull moment pag kasama mo s'ya. kaya nyang sakyan ang topak ko. he,he, salamat sa lahat ng masasayang samahan lalo na sa taxi:-) sana 'wag ka na resign. OHANA will never be the same w/o you e. ingat ka palagi. God bless pare!!!

LeSliE Posted 26/2/2004 on Friendster
etong lalaking ito..ay nakow!!!! sobra.....sobra sa kakulitan...cgro nga tama sha na female version nya ako..pero mas malupeeeet ito..as in awwwww!!!ma papa awwwwwww ka sa pang aalaska nito....pero mind you isa sa magagaling na coaches.. opo coaches at hindi cock-croaches...ahhehehehe...ewan ko ba...super laging top sa mga cases resolved for the week......and galing pa ng sense of humority..(humor) pla......Good Luck sayo "KungFu Master"...sayo ko nag mana ng chinese ability eh...basta sabi na "Feng Shu na...bawal na utang na....credit is good bat'a we nid cash"......and always remember....Shang_lai wang fu go cheng pwe larukutuktuk go cheng wa..chun chunlie..juny li....."byers....Good luck and God Bless sa atin lht......;)

MORE TO COME....

CHOOSE YOUR FLAVOUR

Smoking is one of the oldest and legal vices of all times and cigarette is the most popular. Millions of lungs were damaged and lives were taken, yet milions of people are continously enjoying the so-called "stimulation" that it provides. Anti-pressure, and stimulant, these are common reasons why an individual smokes amongst the other one-hundred-and-one.

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I remember started smoking when I was fifteen. Along with my high school peers, I tried puffing a long, menthol, low-branded cigarette. It was a feeling of another stage of manhood when I felt Im completely a man just like any other adult guys who smokes. This didnt continue as I didnt get any other benefit out from it aside from the shallow mindset. In college, I started smoking again, at least a stick before goin home from school. This was a way to jam with collegemates and it was when I realized smoking as an aid to lessen stress. We were doin a thesis at that time and I was pressured by writing for some school projects and puffing a stick or two kept me goin... cigarette smoking is mind stimulating then.

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My mom knew and felt badly about it. I remember her trying to say "avoid smoking and better drink liquor instead" I know she wasnt serious about it but I thought, you cannot drink all the time and anywhere you want unlike smoking. I also told her, smoking is ever harmless form of vice as no one was ever reported "committed a crime because of too much smoking" unlike drinking which is obviously the most common cause of crimes like homicide and rape. Pans and identified flying objects came into my direction courtesy of her. Since then, we laughed over the matter but she was consistent in convincing me to stop.

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Callcenter is the widest and largest cigarette patron in our country. I could imagine tons of cigarette butts collected every morning from each location where a callcenter is.. from the South starting Alabang, Pasay... Makati, Mandaluyong, Ortigas, Quezon City down South to Novaliches. Cigarette industry could be very much alive just on callcenters alone. No damages reported just yet like lung cancer and other serious ailment, but callcenter industry has just started to boost.

Government Warning: Cigarette Smoking is Dangerous to Your Health! As the traditional warning goes, it came into my attention a very strange and weird thing. My cigarette brand started to revise its packaging. Nothing extra-ordinary but an additional, enlarged warning that comes in different statements. I wondered at first if there is a certain difference. Maybe its the imported againts the local made. I bullied my colleagues... at least the govenrment has given us the option to match our cigarettes on our appropriate situations. Some packs shows.. Government Warning: Tobacco Smoke can Harm your Children - definitely this pack is no good for married people or anyone who got kids at home. Another pack shows - Government Warning: Cigarettes are Addictive - and indeed, this is best for people who got a strong sense of self-control. I know there are other statements that Im unable to see yet but one thing for sure .... I wont smoke one from a pack that shows - Government Warning: Cigarette Smoking is Dangerous to Your Health. This is not good for anyone.

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Writer's Comment :

This is not a commercial statement neither pro nor againts the brand pictured above. It's just a co-incidence that it is my brand.

... AND THE WORLD STOPPED : Another Filipino Breakthrough

Its one of the most awaited events in the Philippine calendar. Its when another Filipino makes another mark in the world's history. Manny Pacquiao is one of them. Today is another day of challenge and another day of anticipation amongst the rest of his race.

Through the times, a certain event like this is being overrated by most of the followers, from the government and other public organizations, to top companies and private institutions down to the common masses. It was noticeable that few months from the date, billboards and other popular campaign materials were seen everywhere promoting the hype. Millions of income are being generated out from simple events similar to this and its truly worth it as somehow, in a period of time, the entire community is united to support this man towards the recognition and pride of the whole nation.

Today is another day of triumph and inspiration within the hearts of many Filipino people. I am not a fan of boxing but a fight of a Filipino boxer is always an exception as I would join my family watch the match waiting to raise the flag at the end of the game. Somehow it boosts the pride that Filipino people are exceptional and could be lined up along with superior nations all over the world, despite of decades of negative impressions and deregatory records. My dad is an ever-fanatic of the boxing industry and so an event like this is a big day for all of us.

Early today, not anticipating the match that Pacquiao is heading, I went online to check if any of my relatives overseas are logged in as usual. I was about to see if my Dad is online to tell him that he must see the fight as i know he will as always. A chatter came into my way and shared a brief conversation and we strangely discussed about The Manny Pacquiao game. This person reacted on the thing about too much glorification on the boxing fight. He sounded to me saying that creating a hype is too much for a person who is being overglorified, creating a hero out of a boxer.. and creating cash out from it. I may think the same way but this time, I dont see any problem with the idea of having the rest of the country stop their world and spend their time watching the game for either a way to support a country fellowman and or entertainment.

In addition, he questioned out what pride are we getting when most of our men are trying hard to be a boxing and basketball idol wannabees and half of our women getting jobs as maids in other countries. He also mentioned out having the rest of the other half as callcenter agents. Very out of context and I strongly disagreed. In some point he may be true but I viewed the idea as extremely pathetic. If the rest of our people would think this way.. what else could it possibly be? So, should we be contented to raise another generation of domestic helpers, boxers and callcenter agents? This is not bad at all as Filipino workers somehow are getting recognition as trusted and valued workers in most countries. And being callcenter agent, I am a living witness and a proof that Filipino service can be as equally efficient with other superior races, otherwise.. foreign investors wont gamble to establish contact centers here in the country despite of more expensive labor rates comparing to other nations. This is far more better than increasing the unemployment, poverty and other negative images that the country has suffered in the previous years. Any other way to help the country regain its integrity and respect from other countries are all good but this isnt bad thing instead. This is not a question of glorifying a certain individual that may involves politics, profit earning and selfish intention but a matter of making a difference and probably a change out from the usual social problems that we currently have. We may have different views over these, each side may be right but looking on the entire picture, this is not bad at all. And from someone like me who wasnt ever a boxing fan... this is a way of showing my individual willlingnes to acknowledge changes to uplift the country's status and narrow it may be but whether we accept it or not, its making a great impact.

... and so the game has ended with another Filipino standing and the rest of his fellowmen proud and dignified.

WRITER'S COMMENT

Photos are copied from HBO Sports for no commercial intentions. http://www.hbo.com/boxing/

FOUR SEASONS OF LONELINESS

It started with a big blast, when the previous year ended with a not-so-good welcoming. I have to loose a very important person in my life. Somebody who taught me how to appreciate things that I have and value myself more than I do... somebody who had a promise of forever and intimate, true friendship. This was a time of realization, of appreciating thing on my own perspective and finding my true value based on self-worth assessment. The year has to begin with a promise of a brand new life, stronger and more independent fightings. This was a SEASON OF LETTING GO.

In the middle of the year, after few months of struggle and consistently striving for a brighter side of life, work became a challenge and health was the main obstacle. A broken ankle, bruised legs, some flu, cardiovascular complication, typhoid fever... name it, my Vacation and Sick Leave benefits were all spent for these misfortunes. My integrity was in question, I wouldnt blame my company if they doubt... these can never happen to someone in a certain period of time but thanks God, there is a thing called the "benefit of the doubt". I have to loose my opportunity to move up for a higher position and only got an unending words of inspiration from my superiors trying to help me make it up and compensate for the lost chances and possible advancement. At least.. keeping my job made me survive the SEASON OF UNDOUBTED MISFORTUNE.

The time of surrender came in early last-half of the year. It was the era of when the "blogger" in me was born. I started writing my blogs... perhaps to talk to myself and repeatedly read back the documented self-help options. It was when I finally met and accepted the weak side of me. I was able to learn out that I wasnt really a strong man of all time but I am a man of reality that I sometimes have to embrace the idea of being the loosing side. Hence, this SEASON OF DEPRESSION made me appreciate the virtue of hope and renewal. I was able to let some negative part of me die and remaining good let me start with a promising continuation.

The year is about to end. My journey is still far halfway. The SEASON OF DETRACTION is currently passing. I am still being challenged by different forces. Frustration is still my worst detractor. My willingness to survive and live the life I used to have is still being compromised. I know, I am liable of my own actions but of course, external factors are beyond my control. Several people came along my way, I saw a great opportunities of attachment but each time frustration and dissapointment interferes. Yet, I pondered... the year indeed is an era of teaching and learning, loosing and winning, falling and uprising, and dying and reviving. This is goin to be the most outrageous moment of my life as the four seasons of loneliness is not just an artistic song composition but a true-to-life drama that can happen to anyone. hehehe.

CHASING FLAMINGO

Writing this blog took me more than a month. I know what I wanna write but i dont know how. Ideas were flooding in my mind but it was too many that I always end up with confusion. I wasnt sure if I would end up with a sensible piece for this so I was keeping it in my saved drafts for the longest time. I cannot think of another creative way to present but the idea is about "wanting who I cannot hardly have and hating who are wanting me".

I've been asking this question eversince, why is that the things that you are craving for are so hard to get when those that are abundant within your reach seems not interesting at all. It is a human nature to hardly satisfy his fullfilment. We tend to ask for the simplest thing when along the way we would ask for something better, and end up with aiming for the most and this is becoming a natural cycle. In a brighter light, we call it human nature's longing for continous advancement.

I remember a movie released earlier this year, I guess the last movie I've seen (sorry, im not really a movie fanatic, but im an art patron). It was TRISTAN & ISOLDE - a very traditional, medieval and romeo & juliet type, yet artistically, well-done.

Not mentioning the cinematography and other technical aspect, the story is indeed a true-to-life reflection of our present lives. Tristan have to be rescued by a stranger (Isolde) whom he would attach himself to and vise versa. The union of their souls are challenged by the world around them that they have to sacrifiice their own happiness for the sake of many. If only one is able to fake his feelings and turn it for real, and go for something that wouldnt make himself happy and undoubtedly accept it as if it was his longing... and love someone he doesnt really like and take it as if it is the true love that his soul is wanting - then the world will have to loose at least half of its hurtings and pain.

TIRED OF JAMES BLUNT SONG

I first heard James Blunt with his single "Your'e Beautiful". Sophisticated, sexy and artistically done, the song got a different style. It went with Daniel Powter's hit single "Bad Day", another new taste and unique style. Since then, new singles came in the airwaives like "Cry", "Goodbye My Lover", "Tears and Rain", "Three Wisemen" and other hits (not just yet).

Blunt's music is a reflection of himself. True-to-life, experience-based creations that at least half of the world's population can relate with, and I'm not excluding myself. He once was a Buckingham Soldier, went into the wars and probably experienced life's bitter taste.. this is according to a trivia but I never had a chance to authenticate the fact.

Obviously I got this strong inclination towards his art. It deeply penetrates my soul whenever I would hear it playing, strangely weird because I didnt have the chance to see James Blunt's face as of this time. I started creating photo-slide videos with his song rendition with "Cry" to background my heart-freaking ;-) poem " Ode to my Heart" followed by his "Goodbye My Lover" to accompany my first-ever literary composed "My Crime" and recently, got tired of sounding too melancholic and oppressed with my poem "Reclusion" featuring "Tears and Rain".

All done for art's sake... regardless of the truth that it was entirely a correlation of my emotional state and way to express the unspoken, unheard, unexplained and misunderstood side of me. Tiring it may seems in the end but in the long run, his art is more than its aesthetic function but a therapy and ticket to a revival of a lost soul.

Here is the video rendition of "Reclusion"

KIDROCK IN ME

This is the song of my life, at this very moment so far, the time when I came to my weakest, helpless stage. I am no celebrity as Kidrock, but I am on my own way as every line of this song applies to me. Sing with me... feel the pain. You might never know... your own life's song may have the same melody.

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ONLY GOD KNOWS WHY

I've been sittin here, tryin to find myself
I get behind myself, I need to rewind myself
Lookin for the payback, listen for the playback
They say that every man bleeds just like me

And I feel like number one, yet I'm last in line
I watch my youngest son, and it helps to pass the time
I take too many pills it helps to ease the pain
I made a couple of dollar bills, but still I feel the same

Everybody knows my name, they say it way out loud
A lot of folks fuck with me, it's hard to hang out in crowds

I guess that's the price you pay, to be some big shot like I am
Out strecthed hands and one night stands, still I can't find love

And when your walls come tumbling down, I will always be around

Yeah
As it...hey - And when your walls come tumbling down, I will always be around

People don't know about the things I say and do
They don't understand about the shit that I've been through
It's been so long since I've been home, I've been gone, I've been gone for way too long
Maybe I forgot all things I miss, oh somehow I know there's more to life than this

I said it too many times, and I still stand firm
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve
Still I ain't seen mine, no I ain't seen mine
I've been giving just ain't been gettin, I've been walking that there line
So I think I'll keep a walking, With my head held high
I'll keep moving on and only God knows why

Only God... Only God
Only God knows why, why, why, why
Only God...knows...why, why, why
Only God knows why
Take me to the river edge
Take me to the river, hey hey hey

CALL CENTER BLOOPERS (copied from another blog)

favorite line#1: "thank you for calling so much" (so much jud, daghan na kaayong thank you na bai.)

favorite line #2: "thank you so much for calling to you"bwahahhaah!)

favorite line #3: "i'm breaking up on you,too" ( uuuuy! boyfriend-girlfriend mo?)

favorite line #4: well first, can i have your first and last name first?...ok for that one...you first have to save an itinerary first... ( this guy's favorite word must be "first')

favorite line #5: "the passenger has to die first before you will get a refund" (hihihi ayus!)

favorite line #6: "for this one you have to sign up first before you have to be signed up,ok?"(obviously kana ang meaning intawon!)

favorite line #7: "i can see that this is an unreserved reservation"

favorite line #8: "the sign up process is very free " you mean there are sign-up processes that are slightly free or half-free?"

favorite line #9: "how age is your son?"(hahahahaha! hala sigi paningkamut ug maayo!)

favorite line #10: "do you have a pen and a ballpen?" (how about a pencil? do i need to have it,too? )

favorite line #11: "please bring a government photo issued id" (laluma sa english uy!)

favorite line #12: "could you repeat that again,please?"

favorite line #13:" because actually you need to actually sign up for an account first"( murag artista ba..actually..)

favorite line #14: "that is eastern pacific time" (buot buot kag time zone doh!)

favorite line #15: "can i have your sine in and location pless..." (asa na ang american accent training?)

favorite line #16: "to activate your card, please tell me your expiration date!" (sus! taningan ba ang kustumer)

favorite line #17: (for an opening line..) "thank you so much for that information... "(yeah right! the caller hasn't even said anything yet!)

favorite line #18: ( a call during Christmas day,an agent had this for a closing remark! ) "Thank you for calling and happy halloween!" (YIKES! i don't think Santa is gonna give you presents for this:( )

favorite line #19: "have a...have a...have a... have a happy holiday!"

favorite line #20: "have a...have a...have a...have a happy day!" (trying to find for a better adjective for a day,huh?)

favorite line #22: "would you like to reserve this for january nine or january tane?" (uhuh! american accent training!)

favorite line #23: "well,it defends..." (i repeat! american accent training!)

favorite line #24: (new dead air verbiage!)" if i don't hear from you within 5 minutes, i'm afraid i will have to release this call..."(you're willing to wait that long?)

favorite line #25: "i'm sorry i can't seem to access your account. are you sure you're already a passenger of expedia.com?" (the passenger is calling to purchase a flight meaning he is not yet a
passenger!!!! for heaven's sake!)

favorite line #26:" i'm sorry but my supervisor is having a conversation right now..."( conversation jud? )

favorite line #27: "ok you will be leaving 9am in the morning" ( wait lang! karon pa ko! is there a 9pm in the morning? )

favorite line #28: "would you want to add 1 children for this itinerary?" ( 1 children?! )

favorite line #29:" thank you for calling, Mr. coupon" (pwede diay ta makabunyag og passenger?)

favorite line #30: "how many passengers will be staying in the room?" ( uy! flying hotel room? )

favorite line #31: "i'll just tell him nalang!" ( karon pa ko! international language na diay ang tagalog!)

favorite line #32: "ok for that one let me verify with my computer...according to my computer..." ( i would love to get that computer...what brand?)

favorite line #33: "if i don't see you within 5 seconds, i'm afraid...".( my goodness! we are in the philippines . how on earth can the caller be here for you to see him in 5 seconds?!)

favorite line #34: (passenger shouting on the other line) "sige..sige...sige..."

favorite line #35: "would you like to add and attractions and services for this one? "( asa dapita sa purchase path ang "and attractions and services'? wa lagi ko kita ani?)

favorite line #36: "what i can offer you is a one times courtesy void "( naay two times? )

favorite line #37: "let me just walk you to the set-up "(mura man walk you to the door...kimpang ang caller? asa na dapita ang set-up?)

favorite line #38: "i'm sorry but there is something wrong with the airplane..."( passenger: what? my flight will still be in two months!)

favorite line #39:" i need to verify this one so let me just hold you for a while,ok?" (uy! very sweet na agent!)

favorite line #40: "i'm sorry but because of the queue that we are having, i'm afraid my supervisor is taking a call right now.. "(passenger asks how many calls are waiting?) "we are actually having 59 calls on queue..." (sus! giduka na gali ang uban kay walay calls!)

WEANING, CRYING & A LESSON LEARNED

Two hours after their plane departed, I finished reading “Ten Days to Zero” by Bernard Ashley. It took me three days to complete the reading as electricity went down for two days after the typhoon hit Manila. Telephone lines were cut and no water supply came as the worst. I simply wanted to keep myself busy, as always, and that time when I even got no cellular phone to use for texting. I wanted to have a busy mind. Few days before, Mom and Dad were too busy preparing some stuff as they’re bound to United Kingdom for the next few months, longer enough, considering that we never got parted ever since. I knew days would be different as to no one’s going to wake me up each time, cook for my food, wash my clothes, and simply do things for me. I couldn’t careless; after all, I still have my own issues… things that they are aware of.

Two hours after I’m done reading, I cried. Suddenly I felt our house was entirely empty. Most of the time, I usually spend time myself alone in my room and wanting to talk to no one, I and my parents are used to it. Few hours ago, we were rushing at the airport, went home and everything were normal. I didn’t feel anything sad or emotional. That time was different. It was unusual. I felt alone. I tried to hold back my tears.

Two hours after, I realized one of the most important lessons learned ever. The love that I was searching for was just next to me. I was wrong when I thought my life went in waste for amongst the people I cared, loved and valued for, nobody did in return. I didn’t get to show my care to the people who truly heeded and carried me when I was in a difficult situation. My parents who were always with me is the greatest love of my life and I was wrong to think that they are rather a responsible of my existence than affection beyond duty. (UNFINISHED/UNEDITED)

OUR LADY OF THE INTERNET

: hi
> ASL?
: 26/F/phils
> Where in the Phils?
: Manila.
> Kewl.

The conversation started with broken phrases, a kind of conversation that saves from boredom. From a small corner of my dull room, a table rack with a monitor, speakers, keyboard, ash tray and small lamp on it, I take time to stare out of the window to see and intermingle with the whole world. It was an ordinary, boring late afternoon. I forgot what day it was but for sure. It wasn’t a weekend.

Along with three more chat mates, she exchanged thoughts with me, solely about me being depressed and her being able to help and extend friendship. I find this too stereotyped. Same with me, people like her would stay online to waste time and merge with the cyber world.

I remember my college days when my classmate introduced me to chatting. Internet was expensive and limited then. Very few people owned a computer in their home. My college mate had to teach me how to go online to meet people to work on our project. It was a thesis about online prostitution with chatting as a medium and I later found it out as the latest medium to communicate to different people from different places for different purposes. Since then, I regarded online engagement as one of the best way to spend time without too much cost.

A typical day for me is a regular working day that starts at night when everyone is about to end their day respectively, and after a long hours of work, when I get home, I would turn my pc right away, play mp3 files and go online until I loose my energy and fall asleep.

I would spend a lot of time in front of my computer longer than the usual since I was on leave for two weeks at that time. I was in my weakest condition, I was unreceptive to everything around me, the moment that I wished to die has passed but I wasn’t really feeling ready to go out and expose myself to other new challenges. My computer was my life and the net was my universe. There I had my own world; I belong to a society, a culture of convergence behind concealment where I can be myself, be somebody else and be with people who do the same as I do. I cannot live without my computer, with internet connection of course.

My days with her went no ordinary day. Aside from staying online more than the usual, I often have her preaching on me, sharing her thoughts, trying to reach out for me, showing me how wonderful life I have and world I am into. These are unordinary stuff. I usually don’t spend time listening to quotes and words of inspirations. I find it too boring; after all, I perfectly knew all these. It’s her. It’s all because of her. I see a little difference. My friends do the same. I heard almost hundred times the same bits of info. They consistently kept me holding on the good things that I have. They never failed on reminding me how smart, talented, witty and enthusiastic guy I am. They never mentioned I am good-looking though but she did. He-he-he. But it’s not that. She religiously listened to me. I know she understood me, she acknowledged my anguish, and she sympathized with me. She extended herself to me and I felt her comfort, things that I don’t get from my friends. I cannot blame them for they knew me as a funny man, someone who seems to have no problems at all. I would always want to talk to her. I knew my days won’t be complete without her. I don’t know, but hell, I think I’m in love.

Being single for nearly two years now, I am longing to have someone that I could be with intimately. Someone that I could talk to at the end of each tiring days, someone that I know will always be there for me, someone that I could love and could love me back. I know it’s her. I want to get well for her.

She was an image of an angel. A typical chinita with skinny body built, skinny that looks perfectly sexy. Her lips’ like a pale cherry, her hair is silky long black. Her getup is as simple as an innocent fella, never been kissed, never been touched. I see her as a perfect mother of my kids. My mom would always tease me of her longing for grandchildren of my courtesy. Too advanced, but I was just daydreaming to regard her as my spouse. I wanted her to be with me for the rest of my life. It was quite a short period of time; the usual stranger went out to be one of the most important people in my life, a stranger who made me see the wonders in me, somebody who gave me enough reason to live my dying life. She was the one who simply opened my eyes to the world of possibilities and new beginnings, she who reconstructed my dilapidating constitution. Everything happened in the cyber space.

We finally set the date to meet up. I was so excited to see the woman of my dream. After a long time of waiting and of being alone, once again, my life would be filled with dreams and hopes. My path will be cleared towards the end to my long awaited journey. I know I will be happy again. I went out ready to fight once more. This time stronger, renewed. Finally, I am going to kiss my lovely redeemer.

It was an ordinary day with her; I was just counting the days. I can hardly explain my excitement to see her, my longing to touch my angel. This time she sounded estranged. Sharing a limited conversation I didn’t notice her until she burst out the bomb that shook my body deep into my soul that I felt diluvia has just fell upon me.

She is not going to meet me anymore. My angel will remain as an image of fantasy, in the world of cyberspace where impossible is nothing, where everyone could be anyone he or she wishes to be. My seraph that got me out from darkness will be a guiding light from above that can be seen but can never be touched. My lady in shining armor will remain as a legend whose legacy will live until the last day of my life, her inspiration that lit my dying candle will continue to keep the flame burning to continually enlighten my soul. Truly the world of internet is a vast dimension of inventiveness. It can easily change your life and virtually alter your state of mind.

With her, I was able to learn about the positive things in my life. I was able to see that I am a lucky person compared to other remaining millions of individual scattered all over the planet. I have my friends who never left me when I was in my most troublesome scenario. I have a job that fuels up my needs and wants. I have my siblings that support my endeavor, my dad who gives me strength to face life with confidence and teach me how to be a good father and provider; and most especially my mom who loves me so much that she has to go with the process of learning the modern technology of the cyberspace and be an angel impostor to chat with me and help me deal with my crisis.

: hi
> ASL?
: 62/F/phils
> Oh! Wow! How can I help?
: Help urself.

BETA CAROTENE FOR THE SOUL

When I was young, I rarely get sick. Only simple colds, fevers that happen once in a blue moon and not forgetting some wounds and cuts from a well-lived witty childhood, were my complications. I can count the times when I got some digestive problems due to food contamination and a very odd cardiovascular condition wherein I often get speedy palpitation with an average of 190 bpm, which I don’t consider a serious illness after undergoing a series of ECG, 2D Echo and other cardio tests without any certain diagnosis. I got divirginized at the age of nineteen when I was hospitalized due to stage 2 dengue hemorrhagic fever, as it was the first time I got my hands penetrated by a giant needle for dextrose and some blood transfusion. Life seems perfect but it isn’t so. I may be provided with supplements to make my body resistant to diseases but life won’t be complete without it. I remember a television commercial for a bottled water, I’m not even sure if these are the right wordings but it says “In a perfect world, there are no bacteria, germs that causes illness”. I would buy that product in tons if that’s true, for a perfect world really contains impurities we usually call, imperfections. Just like supplements that make us defiant to diseases, attitude helps defend against failures and life’s impediments.

I am reminded of an article I read about an anti oxidant that is commonly found in yellow and orange fruits and vegetables that appears to protect the body from damaging molecules called free radicals. It helps fight certain chronic illnesses such as heart attack and cancer. It is usually associated with a vitamin that’s good for the eye and promotes decreased sensitivity to the sun’s harmful rays.

When we see life as a vast ocean of darkness, we seek the brighter side of it. When we experience quandary, we tend to counteract with a positive attitude. It helps us see the entire scenario as a manageable fight. Similar to taking in some supplements to make our body stronger and resistant, positive outlook helps us survive and overcome challenges in life. During the times that we are unable to see things clear, when we are exposed to many untoward situations, when we are susceptible and helpless, all we need is a great dose of the element that could help us keep going and recover for possible damages. It would protect us from life’s free radicals such as frustrations, negative thoughts, hopelessness and apathy. When we are into confusion, it would help us have a clearer vision on the things that we usually overlook especially when we are close-minded and blinded by self-pity and skepticism. It makes us less receptive against pain due to intolerance and biases. And as these substances supply the fruits and vegetables its yellow coloring, positive outlook provides a clearer, sound and bright manifestation of one’s life.

MULTIPLE RAPE COUNT: CASE 101 - DEPRESSIVE DISORDER

Depression is a state of mind wherein an individual suffers psychological pain causing anxiety, weariness and loss of will to survive. According to some studies, it’s getting one of the most common illnesses in well-developed and industrialized countries. Its invisibility makes depression one of the most ignored disorders at least in nearly all cases.

True stories revealed that many famous figures disintegrated due to unknown and/or unpublished reasons and depression may be one of it. A movie star vanished at the peak of her career and showed up a decade after claiming that she went into drug rehabilitation. Another public figure found dead after jumping out from the window of his condominium unit. These are few of one hundred-one stories that were never given enough attention and treated like normal incidents. Drug addiction is one of the visible effects of depression and the worst, suicide.

Depression is a feeling of insecurity, fear and pessimism. Setting aside the scientific and medical definition, it is an honest, self-confessed and experience-based description that I was able to formulate.

Many people believe it as a simple state of mind wherein an individual experiences aggravation and feeling of negativity that can be resolved simply by facing the problem, analyzing the circumstances, implying best solutions and continuously pushing to recover the situation. Some people say it could be overcome by thinking about things confidently.

Have a positive thinking and open your mind. Help yourself. Be ready for more failures to come and be happy to deal with it. Never entertain any feeling of sadness and hopelessness. Do not expect much from life. Keep on going and simply be happy. These are only few of the thoughts that others suggests, true and very objective yet difficult to execute.

An individual can choose to be happy or not as they say but I hardly agree. Choices are different from options. You can always take an option but you may not be happy about it leaving you no choice. On the other hand, a choice is something that you want and could make you completely fulfilled. It’s similar to the difference between choosing what makes you happy against what is right, congruent to the disparity between satisfaction and fulfillment.

Nobody could understand depression better unless you are a victim yourself. It is a feeling of being raped in which you think positively that a single shower could take all the dirt off and then get raped again and again and again regardless of your sense of optimism and willingness to strive for survival. You don’t choose to be raped but it did happen. You think about it positively by forgetting about the incident and heading to live normally as it is. Then you got raped again, stood up once more and lived life, this time with caution and got raped again. If you are one of the people who view things like the above-mentioned, how would you be able to handle yourself then? Would you still be positive and willing to experience the same dilemma? Or would you rather care not at all and let it pass regardless of how many times you will be victimized until you let yourself turned into a whore -like personality who’s immunized over nonstop assaults? Life sometimes suffer a continuous act of rape where failure and frustration comes simultaneously over a longer period of time and this is what I call, the Age of Depression.

POST MORTEM

Tonight is my night. It’s the best time of my day. Perhaps the last day of my life, a life that’s full of pain, anxiety and glum. Tonight I will come out of my bed and face the world outside, my life has to end.

Tonight is the moment to linger on my throbbing and on the days of my belligerence against life’s imperfections. I would close my eyes for the last time to see my life in a flash. Tears would come out to purify each moment and to let the pain out so the world could see the long-kept melancholy.

Tonight im going to have my last smile, to remember the people who held my hands to keep myself standing whenever I would tend to fall down. The people who gave me inspiration to keep myself fighting, the ones who listened to my crying and to those who loved me when I was unable do the same.

Tonight will be my last breathe to let go of my worries for it’s the most awaited instance when I could let go of my gasp, to let myself free and vanish completely.

Tonight I fear no pain; I discovered the virtue of immunity. I fear no failure as I learned about the way to a second chance. I fear no loneliness, myself is my ceaseless companion. I fear no dark, for I know at the other side of the earth is a light that is about to shine on me. I fear no death, for it promises a brand new life.

MORTAL REVOLUTION

Carbon monoxide filled lungs, saggy eye bags, enlarged tummy, blackened lips due to excessive smoking, overlapping mustache, distorted mind – that's all I have now. I suddenly became a picture of a monstrous creature everyone used to hate in the past few days. I myself even hated me. I wish I’m dead.

Suddenly I wanted to end my life. I don’t know why. I’m just tired. I think of no future, everything went non-sense. I woke up one night, I was about to start my day but I don’t want to get up from bed. I see a huge machine in front of me, giant wheels, a typical industrial setup that seems operational for the longest time. I am a part of the machine, I got no choice. I need to keep myself going. I wanted to stop and let the whole process eat me up until I get myself ground into pieces and disappear in an instant. I wish ending my life could be as simple and fast as this.

It was a night of distress, my smoky room was dark. Music from my pc played so loud. The scent of some beer and burn cigarette filled the air. First time in my life, I’m going to be free. Free from boulders of unending thoughts and worries about what my life is going to be, what is going to happen if I fail to carry out my usual routine, what’s in store in the next payday? I am not happy anymore. My life seems like a great waste. I don’t care; I don’t want to think about it anymore. I will sleep and dream to be in an isolated far island. Lie down and think of no tomorrow, no work to do, no bills to pay, nothing at all. I wish to wake up no more.

The door quietly opened as the beam from outside came in following a shadow of an obviously familiar figure. I was aware but I didn’t do anything. Few seconds passed, he broke up the silence, I was expecting him. It was ten thirty; I was supposed to be leaving for work. He usually prepares my dinner and things needed for my shower. I didn’t exactly heard what he asked but I knew I understood him, I said I’m not going to work that time. That was supposed to be simple as it was but he stayed. I ignored him.

The very odd conversation started, I never had such in my whole life. I got a heart to heart talk with a person who was an image of strength and power in my whole twenty four years of living. Finally, I was able to say to him;

“I wanted to end my life. I don’t know why. I’m just tired. I think of no future, everything went non-sense. I woke up one night, I was about to start my day but I don’t want to get up from bed. I see a huge machine in front of me, giant wheels, a typical industrial setup that seems operational for the longest time. I am a part of the machine, I got no choice. I need to keep myself going. I wanted to stop and let the whole process eat me up until I get myself ground into pieces and disappear in an instant. I wish ending my life could be as simple and fast as this.”

My dad was speechless. I’m not sure if he was expecting it but it was much of a comfort that I felt, he understood me. I saw in his eyes, he was saying “I wish I could do something to help you out.”

He said I am a figure of a strong man. A dream came true when he did in his mid- thirty’s. Two big guys were born in his dream. When I grew up, I didn’t grow as big as he is. I am a small guy with big dreams, strong will and definite sense of direction. I know I was. I don’t know if I will be. My dad still believed in me.

I suddenly wanted to be strong again, to keep my life going and fight to survive – but I still wanted to die. I would always fear death for I’m afraid to leave people I love. But that night, was the perfect time to die. It was the best time to die, when you care for nobody and nobody cares for you existence. I love my Dad but he knows what I feel and understands me perfectly. My chest suddenly went in pain. It was a part of feeling free; it was my chance to cry as my eyes went watery. Unfortunately I didn’t. I will never ever forget the moment.

I AM NOT WHAT I AM

I am what I am, yet I guess Im not. I smile and laugh but I bleed inside. I know Im strong but in fact Im weak. Im a wonderful person yet I dont have a life.

Ive been all myself but i seemed not, for they hardly believe me at all. My willingness to love is not visible as my tendency to hurt. Im true but indeed unbelievable. My reality is in my dream... my life is brilliant but not worth living for. I am always true and I am not what I am.

RECLUSION

Under my bed I slept. Underneath I found peace, free from turbulence and safe from harm. I would be protected and my pain would not be seen. Down there I stayed until I would decide to be happy again.

Under my bed I went out, once again I felt free.My grasping hands loosened up, Im ready to satisfy my instinct to love again.
The world outside was too bright; courageous my heart is, yet my eyes could not bear the blinding light. Tears came out and it hurt. I wish I stayed down my haven.

You lent me a hand to hold and a shoulder to cry on. You stood by me and provided me comfort. Under the bed was my haven, Above it i found you, my fortress.

Tonight i sleep, with you in my mind. My fears are gone -- i am no longer alone. Under my bed i find refuge, above it I find serenity with you. this time, I know, I will be happy again.

ODE TO MY HEART

Goodbye my lonely heart, restless in the storm
your wounds were never healed, your blood was drenched by time
the never-ending pain immuned your veins,
your beating stopped as you waited in vain

... still, nobody knew your existence.

Goodbye my heart, the world was mean
so much intolerance, so much neglect
hence, you were unwearied, you tried to reach out
you are divine but still a mortal

Goodbye my martyr, you didn't survive the pain
your battle may not be triumphant but you were never a looser
victorious you may not be, but you were never conquered
your sorrow was never gone away but glory is upon you

Goodbye my abandoned heart, your end has come
your purpose was unsatisfied no matter how you sacrificed
you were a great performer and you wished to play in eternal
and even sad songs have endings no matter how you keep playing

Goodbye my heart, farewell my solace
time to let you go, time to end the misery
may you rest in stillness, in the unending serenity
you were forgotten and you were deserted
now I'll let you respite as one is worthy of you no more

When you get there, forget me not
remember me, your beloved companion
now will be alone, will be incensate...
will yeild in emptiness and in incessant shadows

Goodbye my heart, may you find hope
may God hear you sing so I could start to cry,
may you see the light so I could love once more
perhaps in another life, when we meet again.

WRITER'S COMMENT

This is the most heart-pounding poem I have ever written. Every line is a reflection of the pain. It may seems like too much of a self-pitiness but I'd rather say, self-assessment againts the whole world. The video version is the unedited, still typos and grammatic errors were noted.

MY CRIME

You're gone now but the memories will be forever, as you touched my life like no one has ever did.
You came when i was in my weakest, when my world turned around, when my sky was murky, when darkness fell upon me.
You lit my way and got me out from the dark. I was in a journey to search my way back home, like a little child lost in the forest. You comforted and strengthened me.You powered my bended sword, flamed my torch and nursed my wounded heart.

The world began to move, the sun began to shine. The rain you brought gave life to shrubbery, the breeze kissed my face as you breathe. You sang my song and your voice gave life to my music, the rhythm continued then my dancing went in tune. The poetry has gotten important meaning as you deciphered it with me.

Life became momentous as I kept myself going. The feeling's unspoken, the situation's undefined. The act loudly shouted as we whisper each name. You stroked my heart and the bleeding stopped.

The night has passed and the dream went over, the illusion has gone and I came to realize, the crime I committed is taking you away from me.

My passion is strong more than myself could ever stand. My heart speaks louder as my mind humbly conforms. I am foolish and stupid to play the game I scarcely know.
Now that you're gone, my world suddenly bunged. The music you play became a pain to my ears. My breathing stops whenever I see you face, your smile is now a knife that cuts my heart into pieces.

The sentence was read and the judgment was inflicted. The torment started, my chastisement is accepted. I could take all the hardship in this world to pay the crime off, to get rid of the guilt and to penalize my blunder.
I take all the blame as I innocently sinned, that even in another life or whenever, I know, I'll still fall in love with you, my best friend.

WRITER'S COMMENT

MY CRIME is the very first poem I wrote in August, 2005. Edited by colleague Cherrylie Abelardo. James Blunt song "You're Beautiful" came out in November of the same year with his album "Back to Bedlam" including the single "Goodbye My Lover" which became an inspiration of the video featuring the poem. The video is the unedited version with typo and grammar errors.

The poem was inspired by my bestfriend who happend to be no one now. It was a great expression of my grief and dissapointment that I have to say it that way recovering the poet in me.