SYMPTOMS OF A BROKEN HEART

Watery eyes with tears difficulty comin out..
..holding the breath to stop the suffocation.
Each heart beat cause exhaustion.
You feel your head is on the ground.
Mind’s miles away.
Blank face makes impassive expression.
Seeing the world around when you know eyes are closed
You are alive but you feel like you’re six-feet under
Stomach stirring up, nerves are breaking.
Blood run miles per second, heart pounding a million times
Soul’s in comatose, brain’s dead
A feeling of bloodless wounds... extreme pain, no incision, no laseration.
Air goes by a hole in the chest and vital signs alright.
No medical explanation, existent since ancient times.

Wishing you're dead but life goes on.

UNDERSTANDING LOVE

Love has many faces. It depends on who is involved. There are no ideals. There is no explicit meaning. It is slanted on whoever the subjects are. Love is indefinite.

People often search for true love but they don’t know how to differentiate the one from false ones. They say love is blind but they don’t know mind works another way from the heart. It’s the mind that negates the right from wrong when the heart is responsible on what makes one happy or not. Love sometimes makes the fool out of one’s mind and permissive on heart’s impulses thus making it blind. In the case of a hopeless romantic, one searches for true love in whatever form just to have somebody physically present to be called “love one”. On the contrary, we often set standards in finding our partners and put imaginary characters on someone that we like to have the person fit on the ideals that we set. We please ourselves by putting our expectations over the person and get disappointed when the latter reveals himself in time.

Love can be in many forms. A lust inspired love is the most common. Involved parties go together because they satisfy sexual needs and fantasies of each other. A couple stays together when both are sexually efficient and interesting. Love is present when sexual attraction is alive on both ends.

Another visage of love is companionship. Human nature is way far from being alone. Sometimes we love a person because we need them to be with us in times of problems, hardships and challenges as we don’t want to be single-handed. They say penguins spend half of their lives searching for their partners and spend the rest of it with them. How about humans? Everyday is an opportunity to be with many individuals.

Sometimes we hear a person say “I love you because you are what you are” and this is basically all about the persons understanding and knowledge about the subject. What if the opposite party changed?

Love is a mutual lifetime commitment and the ultimate point of individuality.

Finding true love is finding oneself as loving someone means loving yourselves first. We shouldn’t aim to be loved when we vaguely know our self-worth. We don’t find our partners to fulfill our needs but we search for someone to rest with, with everything we have and everything we are. Find yourself and love will find you.

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WRITER'S COMMENT

This blog entry is written for a very special friend who's love and life became an inspiration to me. I am extremely delighted of her trust and friendship.

GALLERY

MY SELF-CRUCIFIXION

20" x 20" oil on canvas

january 2007

MY EARLY RETIREMENT

24" x 12" oil on canvass

june 2006

ORIGINAL SIN
15" x 15" oil on ceramic
july 2006

UNYONG
12" x 9" oil on canvass
june 2007

BIRTH OF VENUS

12" x 9" oil on canvass
january 2007

PANGS
15" x 10" pen & ink on paper
july 2005

BOOJEE
12" x 9" oil on canvass
january 2007

THE WATERFUN EXPERIENCE

Six to seven years back, it became a devastating experience to me that every once a year, there was this single day that you go out on the streets and you get these freakin folks splatter pails of water over to everyone they see. Usually clean water is being used but there are some who used stagnant and grimy liquids and out of fun, cruelty or for whatever reasons, they seemed enjoying the happenings as a part of a long-time tradition of the feast of Saint John, the Baptist.
If you were not a resident of San Juan or other places like Manila where St. John is the patron saint, you would never understand why these freaks would do the kind of nastiness. Through these years, I’ve learned to anticipate 24th of June as the day to avoid going out if you wish to keep yourself dry all day so when you have classes, work or any pertinent appointment, you should cancel and set out on another day.

Few years since then and now, I never projected that I will ever be a part of that water fun. I recently attended the Water Festival at the Dinalupihan Town Fiesta in Bataan in the honor of the aquatic patron St. John, the Baptist. Crazy happy people, huge fire trucks, devotees carrying torn foliage, street dancing… the spirit of the old Filipino tradition is very well alive.

It was my first experience to dance in the streets of a place that I was never been, got wet all over and had so much fun. Sun burn and a little runny nose followed shortly but of course nothing could be better than feastings over great food, beers and of course, warmth of the people of Dinalupihan. Truly it became a remarkable experience and gateway to embrace and love the idea about an absurd tradition.

DEAR BLOG

I’ve been away, all by myself. My journey went distant, you went far behind.
I went offline as you were left hanging...you know, you’ve missed so much about me.
We are no best friends but you are somewhat I can always count on
When I am devastated, I abandoned you and you never left me.

You help me show the whole world how I feel.
My talents restored, I believed in myself once again.
Cameras went on and off; you’ve been my constant audience.
Thank you for celebrating with me… and for sharing the tears as well.

Tonight I come back, as I write you another piece, accustomed thoughts about hurting, melancholy and glory.
Reflection of my ideas, expression of my emotions, you let me be the way I am.
It’s been a while and here I am again, my soul hungers to be listened, you are my sole aid to be in touch of the world.

Tonight I feel extraordinary; I am in need of a companion
No one else could understand me at least I know you would
You could always agree with me no matter how complicated I can be
I can be myself all the way and you would let me be

Tomorrow will come and dark segment ends
A book opens a new chapter and my life goes on.
As I get myself diverted and busy with the things to come…
…never ever consider that you are being taken for granted.
For as long as I exist and even when I’m passed away, there will always be somebody who would take a look back on the memories.